Hello everyone!! I'm sorry I've been absent for a while. I've been meaning to post, but ya know, stuff happens. Thank you for all of your sweet comments about our video! Isn't he sweet? I look so forward to it every year. As for the songs, the first one is called "Beautiful Girls" by Taking Back Sunday and the other is "Widow's Peak" by Dashboard Confessional. I actually found the song Widow's Peak and instantly fell in love with it. Every time I hear it I cry. It really embodies the spirit of our marriage; not just this year, but the whole thing.
A lot of times people will say to me something like, "You have the perfect marriage..." or something like that. I usually just smile and say something like, "Well you guys are so good at ________" and change the subject. But today I'm deciding to tell the truth. I do have the perfect marriage, or as close as it can get, but it doesn't just happen magically.
The Dirty Past
This next part is scary. My mom would kill me, so shhhh! Especially since people from my high school read this. *cringe* We're all adults right? Besides, I have undisclosed friends who've inspired me to come out. When I was 13 I developed bulimia. This was closely followed by severe depression, anxiety, and then my first seizure when I was 14. I worked hard through high school to work through the bulimia, anxiety and depression. It wasn't easy. I didn't have any friends to hang out with (my best and only friend, Shani had graduated and moved to NY) and I got made fun of quite a bit, but so do a lot of kids, right? Yes. So, I finally made a best friend my senior year and we moved to Utah State together.I won't go into detail, but another influence convinced this best friend to de-friend me and torture me by doing things like putting a dead cat in my bath tub. Luckily, I met Jules,
Julie and me, Freshman year
Dave, me, and Swede
I was then blessed with four angels who became my new roommates. The first night we all moved in, my now-best friend, Deneal, suggested we all go out to dinner. Deneal, Jaclyn, Kara, Melissa and I soon became best and life-long friends. They helped me loose weight the right way, talked me (or hugged me) through dramas and breakups, took care of me when I was sick, and even introduced me to my husband.
Melissa, me, Jaclyn and Deneal on a typical evening. (Kara was at Spencer's.) ;)
Deneal, Jaclyn, Kara, and me right before I moved to OR with Deneal. (Melissa was preggo and lived in Sandy.)
As the years went by I was blessed with many wonderful friends and my list of "besties" grew significantly. I was further blessed when Spencer kissed me that fateful New Year's Eve. He knew all about my past and for some reason, still wanted to marry me. In my patriarchal blessing* it was stated that I would "be blessed with a special young man with an understanding heart..." who would buoy me up and strengthen me. During my second official date with Spencer it hit me like a ton of bricks that I'd finally found him.
We got married and as my dowry, I brought with me anxiety, depression, bulimia, cerebral palsy, and epilepsy. It didn't phase my special young man. Our engagement, wedding, and honeymoon were absolute bliss. The refiner's fire began 10 days after our honeymoon when our lives were changed forever. While most couples would've been fighting about leaving the toilet seat up or hogging the covers, we were dealing with a feat that would've destroyed many marriages. We saw many miracles that year, and we made it happily, if not a little tired, to year two.
Year two brought with it some more health problems and the final realization that I could never become pregnant. We were accused of being "baby-haters" and "effing up our own lives." We learned the power of sacrifice for each other and the meaning of Christlike love.
Year three brought with it even more health issues, but a plan of action as well. We learned to cling to each other. I learned to lean on the Lord as well as Spencer. We learned endurance. There were, and still are, many nights where I sob in Spencer's arms at 3, 4, or 5 am and tell him I just can't do it anymore. The answer is always the same: "Yes you can! I know you can!" Followed by exactly what I need to hear to get back in the ring. I think endurance is a lesson Spencer has learned, but I am still working on. He's doing most of the buoying.
The Hairy Present
We learned to rely on our family. You can probably tell from the video. (You can also tell from the video that getting dolled-up has not been a priority this year! Sorry.) I learned to be grateful for a husband, two brothers and two fathers who are worthy to give me a priesthood blessing whenever I need it, who hold my hand so I don't trip, and carry my stuff for me so I don't get tired. I learned to be grateful for two sisters, one in particular, with an endless supply of love, favors, cards, hugs, daily pep-talks, and good books. Most of all I learned to be grateful for these little buggers:
Payton, Miley, Mckahl, and Kate
As the years went by I was blessed with many wonderful friends and my list of "besties" grew significantly. I was further blessed when Spencer kissed me that fateful New Year's Eve. He knew all about my past and for some reason, still wanted to marry me. In my patriarchal blessing* it was stated that I would "be blessed with a special young man with an understanding heart..." who would buoy me up and strengthen me. During my second official date with Spencer it hit me like a ton of bricks that I'd finally found him.
We got married and as my dowry, I brought with me anxiety, depression, bulimia, cerebral palsy, and epilepsy. It didn't phase my special young man. Our engagement, wedding, and honeymoon were absolute bliss. The refiner's fire began 10 days after our honeymoon when our lives were changed forever. While most couples would've been fighting about leaving the toilet seat up or hogging the covers, we were dealing with a feat that would've destroyed many marriages. We saw many miracles that year, and we made it happily, if not a little tired, to year two.
Year two brought with it some more health problems and the final realization that I could never become pregnant. We were accused of being "baby-haters" and "effing up our own lives." We learned the power of sacrifice for each other and the meaning of Christlike love.
Year three brought with it even more health issues, but a plan of action as well. We learned to cling to each other. I learned to lean on the Lord as well as Spencer. We learned endurance. There were, and still are, many nights where I sob in Spencer's arms at 3, 4, or 5 am and tell him I just can't do it anymore. The answer is always the same: "Yes you can! I know you can!" Followed by exactly what I need to hear to get back in the ring. I think endurance is a lesson Spencer has learned, but I am still working on. He's doing most of the buoying.
The Hairy Present
We learned to rely on our family. You can probably tell from the video. (You can also tell from the video that getting dolled-up has not been a priority this year! Sorry.) I learned to be grateful for a husband, two brothers and two fathers who are worthy to give me a priesthood blessing whenever I need it, who hold my hand so I don't trip, and carry my stuff for me so I don't get tired. I learned to be grateful for two sisters, one in particular, with an endless supply of love, favors, cards, hugs, daily pep-talks, and good books. Most of all I learned to be grateful for these little buggers:
Payton, Miley, Mckahl, and Kate
Having the opportunity to help take care of these four eases the heartache a lot. It makes me grateful for the opportunity I have to bond with my nieces before I have kids of my own.
me and Payt
They, and their parents, teach us a lot about being parents and give us confidence that we'll be really good at it. They make my day with kisses, hugs, hand-holds, and lap-sitting.me, Kahli, Miley, Belle, and Payt (still opening presents)
They give me strength with simple things like, "Aunt Chels, did you know I love you soooooo much?!" Or Payton's phrase, "You're Aunt Chels. You're just like a mom!" or Miley's signature, "Your (insert accessory or clothing item here) looks wonderful!" Or, after months of not having enough energy to get ready and feeling awfully ugly, Miley said this to me when this was taken:
Miley: "You have beeeeeauuuutiful hair, like Rapunzel!"
Me, tearing up quite a bit: "I do?"
Miley: "Yes. And you are always so beautiful, just like Sleeping Beauty. But you look like Cinderella in this picture."
And they just make me happy. I'm so grateful for them, for their parents, for my in-laws, for my family and friends, and most of all, my wonderful husband who never gives up on me, no matter how heavy the rain pours down. He really is special; one in a bajizzillion. I know there is nobody else for me. Nobody else could handle me!
The dirty past still sneaks up on me. I still deal with bulimia, depression, and anxiety every day...but now I have someone to help me fight every step of the way (along with my other angels, of course).
The Promising Future
Our anniversary this year was won-der-ful!! I almost died it was so great!
The lovebirds cake I made
It was Spencer's year to plan, so we stayed here in this French room. Of course, this costume was involved, minus the wig. ;)
Then he surprised me by taking me to La Caille (pronounced la-ky). I'd heard about it a lot but had never been before. It was so beautiful I cried!! You have to click here to see the pics, ours didn't turn out. It is AMAZING! It was one of the most beautiful places I've ever been, and I've been to some beautiful places. It was even better than Monet's gardens. There were swans and peacocks roaming everywhere and it was just magical. I felt like a princess. I died! The food was, of course, french, and I was thinking it wouldn't be very good (based on my culinary experience in France), but it would've been worth it just for the grounds! Anyway, the food was the best food I have ever eaten in my life, hands down. If you live in Utah, you HAVE to go.
The next day we went to my Dr. appointment with my parentals to get my VNS turned up, then we went to the Salt Lake City LDS temple, where we got married, and did sealings by proxy to celebrate the anniversary of our sealing.* It was my first time doing it as a proxy. I got sealed to my parents when I was 6 months old, since I'm adopted, then again when we got my brother when I was three, then to Spencer when we got married. I'm so lucky because I'll get to do it again with each of our kids too! It was really cool to be able to celebrate our anniversary by doing such an important work for those who've passed. We saw some gorgeous rooms too. The only downfall was that I had a pretty bad partial complex seizure, but luckily the sealer was just wrapping up. Everyone was so sweet and took good care of me. The little old men got me juice and crackers (I think they thought I was diabetic), and two sisters, after lots of hugs, helped me get undressed, folded my stuff up for me, and helped me get back into my street clothes. I was really embarrassed right after it happened and was crying a little when Spencer said to me, "Sweetie, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone in here loves you." It really struck me, because how many places can you go where that is a true statement? I can't think of any but our Lord's house. * It was a good place to have one.
Even with the seizure, it was a great end to our celebratory day to kneel again across the alter and remember the promises we made to each other. I know we made other promises too, and I know that when one of us is weak, the other will be strong. It really will take more than a heavy rain to silence us.
* For more information about the lds church, visit lds.org, or feel free to e-mail me.
Miley: "You have beeeeeauuuutiful hair, like Rapunzel!"
Me, tearing up quite a bit: "I do?"
Miley: "Yes. And you are always so beautiful, just like Sleeping Beauty. But you look like Cinderella in this picture."
And they just make me happy. I'm so grateful for them, for their parents, for my in-laws, for my family and friends, and most of all, my wonderful husband who never gives up on me, no matter how heavy the rain pours down. He really is special; one in a bajizzillion. I know there is nobody else for me. Nobody else could handle me!
The dirty past still sneaks up on me. I still deal with bulimia, depression, and anxiety every day...but now I have someone to help me fight every step of the way (along with my other angels, of course).
The Promising Future
The lovebirds cake I made
Then he surprised me by taking me to La Caille (pronounced la-ky). I'd heard about it a lot but had never been before. It was so beautiful I cried!! You have to click here to see the pics, ours didn't turn out. It is AMAZING! It was one of the most beautiful places I've ever been, and I've been to some beautiful places. It was even better than Monet's gardens. There were swans and peacocks roaming everywhere and it was just magical. I felt like a princess. I died! The food was, of course, french, and I was thinking it wouldn't be very good (based on my culinary experience in France), but it would've been worth it just for the grounds! Anyway, the food was the best food I have ever eaten in my life, hands down. If you live in Utah, you HAVE to go.The next day we went to my Dr. appointment with my parentals to get my VNS turned up, then we went to the Salt Lake City LDS temple, where we got married, and did sealings by proxy to celebrate the anniversary of our sealing.* It was my first time doing it as a proxy. I got sealed to my parents when I was 6 months old, since I'm adopted, then again when we got my brother when I was three, then to Spencer when we got married. I'm so lucky because I'll get to do it again with each of our kids too! It was really cool to be able to celebrate our anniversary by doing such an important work for those who've passed. We saw some gorgeous rooms too. The only downfall was that I had a pretty bad partial complex seizure, but luckily the sealer was just wrapping up. Everyone was so sweet and took good care of me. The little old men got me juice and crackers (I think they thought I was diabetic), and two sisters, after lots of hugs, helped me get undressed, folded my stuff up for me, and helped me get back into my street clothes. I was really embarrassed right after it happened and was crying a little when Spencer said to me, "Sweetie, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone in here loves you." It really struck me, because how many places can you go where that is a true statement? I can't think of any but our Lord's house. * It was a good place to have one.
Even with the seizure, it was a great end to our celebratory day to kneel again across the alter and remember the promises we made to each other. I know we made other promises too, and I know that when one of us is weak, the other will be strong. It really will take more than a heavy rain to silence us.
And they lived Happily Ever After...
* For more information about the lds church, visit lds.org, or feel free to e-mail me.
