Monday, August 25, 2008

The Perfect Man

It has been a rough month at the Johnston house; first with the hospital, then the recovery process. I think I finally have glue-free hair, but I have a large scar on my cheek from the electrode, and several egg-sized muscle knots all throughout my body.

On Thursday we had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Matsuo. He gave us news...not good or bad. Basically the information obtained in the study was not concrete enough to make any kind of decision. They THINK the seizures are coming from the left side...but they're still not sure enough. I'm going to have more tests done...all outpatient so nothing intense. Hopefully, after the tests they will be able to pin-point where the seizures are coming which point they will decide if they can remove that part of my brain safely and effectively. If they can't determine where they are coming from, they will take my unique case to a neurological convention where several experts will study it. If we determine that surgery is not an option or will be ineffective, then we will try the VNS. (The thing they implant under my boobie that sends shocks to my brain and stops seizures.) I'm all for the VNS...I'd do it right now, but Dr. Matsuo said some patients find no relief, some find complete relief, and some find partial...but he's looking for a complete, and 100% sure-thing. That's good. So...this may take a year or two to figure out...but at least we are on a path.

Anyway, the past few weeks I haven't been sleeping well, so my darling husband has been running me bath after bath, giving me nightly massages, bringing me my medicine, and offering the encouragement that only he can offer me. Last night, we were watching this Hillary Duff/Heather Locklear movie called The Perfect Man, while I scrapbooked our honeymoon photos. After the movie was over, I was reflecting on the movie, our honeymoon, and the past weekend....on Friday we went to a midnight movie and saw The Housebunny (hilarious and cute), then Saturday we took Belle to one of the beeeeeeaaautiful parks in Logan. We had a picnic and threw the frisbee, went for a walk, then spontaneously shared a slow dance under the gazebo while he sang our song to me. Sunday was stake conference and so it was filled with breakfast in bed, tickle fights, and other in-bed activities. ;)

As I reflected just on the weekend alone, I couldn't help but get teary-eyed about how lucky I am. I really have found the perfect man. Most of my days are spent in complete bliss and romance. I'm sure I make others around me completely jealous, or completely nauseous. Even my boss frequently teases, "Not everyone can have the perfect husband." Everyone who meets my baby immediately loves him. I've never met anyone so completely charming. But the best part is: it's completely genuine. He's just Spence. But he's AMAZING. In the movie last night it said, "Love is friendship on fire." That's how he makes me feel...on fire. That's how it happened too. Spencer and I were great friends for months before we dated...his fire started slower I think...a little spark that night we went trick-or-treating and he CARRIED me everywhere because I kept tripping on my Sleeping Beauty costume. Mine was more of a combustion. A strange, unfamiliar spark on New Years Eve, then an explosion right in my face that night at El Matador when I suddenly knew without any doubt, "Oh, my, gosh. He's the one. He is the one my patriarchal blessing described so completely. He's the one I've been searching for. I love him, and he loves me." A strange thing to realize on date two.

When I was 14 I met this boy, Colby, and fell dangerously in love. His parents got divorced and he moved to CT with his father. Most of our relationship was long-distance. E-mails, letters, phone calls, and a visit for prom for my 16th birthday. It was a good thing too...we our feelings were so intense they did not mesh with our ages. We were on and off again for years, right up until 2005. I loved him so much, and my worst fear was that I'd never feel that way about anyone else. I was so afraid I'd only get One Fairytale. (You can read all about my teenage angst in my poetry blog.) ;) I think that was what was so frightening about falling in love with Spencer...I did fall that in love again, and it was even faster, and it scared me to death. He told me it was ok if I fell in love because he'd catch me. I love Spencer with all the intensity of Colby...but with none of the pain, which makes it just...unbelievable. With Colby I was afraid I'd explode because I loved him so much...but it would be a very tragic explosion. With Spencer, I feel I could explode with pink glitter would likely pour out of me.

Sometimes I get scared that it isn't real. I frequently have nightmares that I'm still looking for him, or I settle for someone else...then I wakeup in a panic that is immediately soothed by his strong arms around me and my security in my little nook. I know I don't deserve him. I don't deserve two fairy tales and a happily ever after. I don't deserve the perfect man, I don't deserve this degree of bliss, but I've got it. I will cherish it always and never take it for granted. I love you so much, baby, and I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I promise to spend forever doing whatever I can to deserve the life you've given me. And yes, I am crying. :)


Southams said...

Hey Chels! I miss the possibility of seeing you, too!

The china set serves 6 people. We have one just like it and love it.

So how's work going? Have you found out anything yet from those tests they did on you?

Kari said...

Aw Chels. Cute. :) I really liked "other in-bed activities."

Looks like southam didn't read your post since she's asking about your tests haha.

And, yes, I wish I could be a graphic designer (logo design, etc). I just need some education for it cause I'm not good enough and don't know the software. I don't know Illustrator at all.

Fisher said...

Sheesh, Chelsi, you and Spencer should probably get a blog just for the two of you. I've never read such a romantic . . . anything before! Okay, I love the romantic part. (Neither my husband nor I can tolerate gushiness for very long. . . we just start goofing off instead.) I nearly cried when Spencer was writing about you. I nearly cried again when I read that post about telling that nurse off. That was awesome! That ought to be saved in the annals of great discourses. I think I will save it, anyway. Well, really, all that romantic mush you two write and exchange should probably be (censored and then) put on permanent record. ;)

Reading your blog, I realize how very special you really are. I really haven't ever gotten to know you that well in person, but my heart swells with love for you now! You sweet thing! You deserve every drop of romance Spencer gives you!! That you have a tender enough heart to cry over my daughter's lost elephant says a lot about you. I am only just beginning to learn deep compassion for others; my emotions have only ever centered around myself. You inspire me to care and feel more for others instead of only caring about myself. Thank you.

. . .

On a different note, I, too, have always admired Emma. D&C 25 has always been very personal for me. I wanted to name my daughter Emma, and I felt the exact same way when it became so popular.

Also, when I was in the ER to have my blood clots checked out (weeks ago), Jay and I played MASH, the good old middle-school version. Ha ha ha! I thought you would appreciate that.

My heart is yours,


Goldies said...

Hey Pal
I don't think I put a picture of Aaron's newer bike on the blog. After having that other one for about a week he decided that it was too small and he needed something newer and bigger so he went out and got a suzuki or yamaha Boulevard something. Anyway, I'm not allowing him to be a bike cop, he needs to come every night!! Well it's good to hear from you both. I'm glad you guys are doing well! What's going on at Standard these days?

Gary said...

Other in-bed activities? Like what? Scrabble?

Chelsi said...

Who is this Gary character?

mommy princess said...

Obviously Gary has nothing better to do than randomly read peoples blogs and then ask dumb questions :)
Chelsi I can't think of anyone who deserves a fairy tale life more than you! Of course it makes you that much more lovable that you think you don't!
Love you sweetie

mommy princess said...
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