Now that you're inside my head, get down! I'm pretty sure it's going to explode. Is it weird that I considered whether or not I had enough energy to type that exclamation point?
I am so tired. I haven't showered in two days. All I have energy for are sponge baths and frequent babywiping. I worked all of this weekend, trying to produce a quality document for a quality philanthropist which might land me a job working from home. Please pray.
Yes, I'm so tired, but when bed time comes, so do the anxiety attacks. Um, by the way, I thought we were done with those. Remember, high school ended and I stopped having them? Oh, my new job brings with it feelings reminiscent of high school? Crap.
So, I don't sleep. That's bad when you're epileptic. And then a day like today comes when your brain feels scrambled and you're throwing up and you have to call in to work and tell them you need to take a day off to sleep. Yeah....they don't always get that so sometimes you say you have food poisoning. Either way it means bed and snuggles with Belle all day, with intervals of feeding and pottying Belle, water and pills, brushing your teeth and washing your face, and trying to accomplish something.
On an up note, Monday night we babysat two of my favorites. Miley, 4 and Kate, 1. I took my camera but forgot about it. While Uncle Spence played blocks with Kate, me and Mi ate our dinner.
Suddenly, she glanced down at the family room, put her chin in her hands, and said, "That mirror is really dusty. I should really clean it tomorrow."
"YOU?" I laughed.
"Yes. I help Mommy clean so I can be like Cinderella. I'll teach you how to clean it after dinner, ok?"
Then, when discussing how old each of us would be on our next birthdays, we started counting.
She got to 39 and said, "What comes next?"
Not buying it, I said, "You know what comes next!"
Sighing, she said, "40. I'll do the rest of the numbers next time you come to my house. By the way, I LOVE your flower earrings. (Hug) You're always like a princess. So is Belle, cause of her name."
"I know, I want to name our baby girl Ophelia or Odette or Giselle, because they sound like princesses, but Uncle Spence won't let me. What do you think?"
"Why doesn't he want your baby to be a princess?!" she asked, shocked.
"I have NO idea!" I said.
After dinner we had family home evening and watched The Princess and the Frog. So cute. But, (spoiler alert!) when the bug dies, it is so sad! I looked over at Mi and her little face was all contorted like mine gets when I'm trying not to cry. It was the saddest, cutest thing I've ever seen. I held out my arms and she immediately plopped on my lap and buried her face in my arm. Is it mean that I like when she gets sad or hurt and I can cuddle her for extended periods of time?
I also got to rock Kate until she got sleepy. People always tell me, "Don't rock your babies to sleep or you'll have to do it every single time." Guess what? Don't care! I'm totally rocking my babies to sleep until they're 21. I'm getting better at the swaddling thing my sister swears by too. Kate looked like a little cozy baby burrito. A lot of people don't get the swaddling thing and think it's mean, but I totally get it. One, it's safer, and two, if I could swaddle myself every night, I totally would.
By the way, Spencer is gonna be the best dad EVER. He is so cute. They LOOOVE him and he has such good paternal instincts. I haven't ever had to tell him not to do something or how to do something. I gave him a very brief lesson on diaper changing before me and Summer left the girls in his charge to see New Moon months ago...but it was like, "The tabs go in the back." He's so good! He doesn't panic when they're fussy. He knows to check for a dirty diaper, teething, fever, or simply change positions and make funny faces. He's even good at sticking to his guns about eating all of dinner, or time for bed...which is hard to do with Miley's cutest little face and beautiful batting eyelashes.
My heart was warmed when upon returning from New Moon, we found the three of them cuddled on the couch, Kate burrito style. And when Miley didn't want him to leave. But after actually witnessing his parenting skills first hand...by golly I just love him. We're gonna make a great team.
Oh, and Belle? Yeah she's gonna be the best big sister ever. Way better than I was.