Sunday, February 14, 2010

love story

I'm sitting here trying to think of how to accurately describe my love for my valentine, and all I can do is cry. 

When I was 14 I met this boy.  Ensued was an eightish year off-and-on relationship that ended in a tearful non-accepted marriage proposal with a gem he'd bought when we were 16.  I thought I would never love anyone like I loved that boy.  I was right, in a sense.  That love was intense and all consuming, but it was also dramatic, draining, and very, very painful.  My patriarchal blessing mentions "a man with an understanding heart."  I always thought it was Colby...till I woke up one morning in college and looked in the mirror and it finally struck me.  He isn't the one.  It was liberating, but so painful.  Saying no to him was the hardest test of faith I'd ever endured. 

While I was dealing with the dating scene, my best friend was dating Spencer.  He was such a good guy and the three of us were great friends.  I was shocked when Kara told me she was going on a date with her friend who'd just returned from his mission.  Shocked and pissed!  I was even more pissed when she continued dating him.  The final shock came when she told me she was marrying him.  I spent the next few months trying to convince her that Spencer was the one for her.  Sorry Aaron.    In the summer of 2005, I moved to Oregon to get away from my life for a while.  Kara and Spencer broke up and Kara and Aaron got engaged.  Spencer and I consoled each other for the loss of our Kara through letters, phone calls, and mix cds.  Deneal joked that we were going to hook up.

I was on my way to church one day when I had a seizure and ran a red light, T-boning a truck and totaling my beloved Lexi.  I was wearing a shirt with gold sequins that they picked out of my skin with tweazers.  I total my cars in true Chelsi fashion.  My parents let me stay in Oregon under Deneal's care, but after another seizure a week later, while I was scrapbooking and watching E! True Hollywood Story: Paris and Nikki Hilton, I was forced to come home.  When I arrived, there was a huge bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table from my favorite florist. 
"Thanks, Daddy!"  I beamed.
"Those aren't from me," he said.
I opened up the card.
"Dear Pippy, get well soon.  I can't wait to see you.  Love, Spence."
"Wow!  How sweet!" I said.
"I have a feeling about this one," Dad said, "I think something is gonna happen with this kid."
"Don't be RIDICULOUS!" I said, "I'm trying to get him to marry my best friend!!"
"Uh huh..." Dad said.

Months later I was back at school.  Spencer and I had been hanging out again and it was almost Halloween.  I was single and invited him to go on a group date to a haunted house with me.  I invited him to go trick-or-treating with my friends and me.  Then I invited him to a ward activity to watch a scary movie in my bishop's cornfield.  (Awesomely scary!)  We cuddled during the movie and I whispered to him, "Don't tell Kara!"  (Eek!  Sorry Kara.  I love you.)

A week or so later, Kara and Aaron were on hold and Kara was coming with us to the HOWL.  Spencer didn't think she'd show.  "Something just isn't right," he said, "If she doesn't show's finished.  She didn't pick me." 

"She'll come!"  I said, and called Kara to tell her to come.  She didn't.  I was devastated, but Spencer put on a smile.  "It's over," he said, "It just wasn't meant to be.  Aaron is the one for her, not me."  We went to the HOWL and ran into my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend.  "Ooooh crap!" I said, "Here comes Ian.  Why am I ALWAYS single when I have to meet his stupid girlfriends?"  Spencer grabbed my hand as Ian approached and I smiled at him in gratitude.  "Do you want me to kiss you?" he asked.  "Yes," I said, then panicked.  "No!  I don't fake kiss." 

After the HOWL we went back to my place and watched White Noise.  Realizing I was scared out of my mind and all my roomates were MIA, I asked Spencer to stay over.  He slept on my lovesac.  I awoke to a note the next morning.  "Dear Pippy, Thanks for turning what could've been an awful night into one of the funnest nights ever.  Ps.  I've never seen a more beautiful Sleeping Beauty, last night or this morning.  Love, Spence"

Things continued on and Kara called me to tell me she was getting married.  I called Spencer bawling and he ditched his trampy date to come and console me.  Later, my dad took me to the wedding.  I watched her come out of the temple and gave her a hug, but things were different.  "It's just so weird," I said, "I'm supposed to be helping her get ready and holding her flowers!  I at least thought I'd be in some of her pictures." 
"Yeah, well, so did Spencer," Dad said. 

A few months later I was searching for the perfect gift to give Spencer for Christmas.  He'd undergone such a transformation while I was in Oregon and in the months since I'd been home.  And in the face of adversity he shined.  I was sooo proud of him and I wanted to get him something to show him that.  Finally I picked out a ring with a Stripling Warrior engraved on it.  I smiled when I picked it up and murmured, "He is my Stripling Warrior."

Christmas came without the delivering of gifts since it was winter break.  Then I got a phone call.  Spencer asked me out for New Years Eve.  I excitedly agreed and my mom and I discussed wardrobe options.  I was so nervous getting ready.  I changed five times and was flustered and anxious.  "Why am I so nerved up?!"  I asked, "It's just Spencer!  We hang out ALL the time!"  (Insert Remember to Breathe, by Dashboard)  Finally he arrived and we drove to First Night. 

At midnight, we went outside.  It was raining. There were fireworks.  It was perfect.  He put his arms around me and kissed me.  I ruined it.  I pulled back prematurely after assaulting images of him and Kara ran through my head.  I laughed awkwardly.  "I can't wait to tell Deneal we totally made out," I said, trying to discover if it was a real kiss or a New Years Eve kiss.  "Yeah..." he said.  At home, I ran through the date with my mom. 
"Do you think it was a real kiss or a New Years kiss?" I said, "It was weird!  I kept seeing him and Kara.  I had fun, but I don't know.  What do you think?" 
"It was probably just a New Years kiss," mom said.  I started crying.
"Oh my gosh!" I said through tears.
"You LIKE him!" mom said.
"Oooooh noooooooooo!" I said.

I was back at school a couple of days later trying to drum up an excuse to see him.  Christmas present.  Jackpot.  I called and invited him over.  We went to Cafe Rio and talked for four hours.  I ate my whole burrito.

A few days later I called my dad.  "Will you come and get me?" I asked.  "I'm having a really bad day and wanna come home this weekend."  In the car I explained the sitch to my daddy.  "Okay so this guy who goes to USU and is REALLY hot facebooked me and said he'd read all my poetry and wants to go out with me.  How awesome is that?  So we've been e-mailing and found out that his parents recently moved to North Ogden, so when we were home for Christmas, we were gonna go out.  But before Christmas break, Elsie and I were at Envio (a club) and we ran into him.  We saw each other and started talking but when I started speaking he totally freaked.  You should've seen his face.  Even Elsie thought it was weird.  So, he never called over Christmas and so I sent him an e-mail asking what was up.  He wrote me back and just said "It's not gonna work, sorry."  He TOTALLY FREAKED OUT because I have a speech impediment!!  I haaaate my life.  I hate boys.  HATE!"  (Insert weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth....and dad's silent fuming for 45 minutes.)

At home, after a bath, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and fell asleep by the fire.  My phone rang.
"Hey, It's Spence.  Do you wanna go out?  I just had the worst day ever with Megan."
"Oooh I would love to but I'm actually at my mom and dad's.  I kinda had a similar day with Treagan."
"I'll come down," he said. 
"But it's like an hour drive!"
"You're worth it," he said.

So, mom and I rushed to get me ready and get rid of the bags under my eyes.  He showed up an hour later and when I saw him, a rush of relief (which I am really used to now) washed over me.  We went to El Mattador and sat in a corner booth and talked about Megan and Treagan.  While he was telling me how stupid Treagan was and how he'd never even thought about my impediments, something hit me in the face.  I don't even remember what he was saying...I just remember watching his lips move as a voice in my head screamed, "He is the one.  He is the one you've been searching for your entire life.  This is the man with the understanding heart.  This is the one I've been preparing you for."  Everything went fuzzy after that and I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms and tell him I loved him.  It was the weirdest feeling I've ever felt.  He brought me home and didn't kiss me at the door, but I didn't care. 
"Mom," I called, "Dad was right."

A few days later we hung out again and watched a movie at Spencer's dorm.  We cuddled.  I've never wanted to kiss someone more in my entire life.  He dropped me off at my apartment and at my bedroom door gave me the most perfectly blissful kiss in the entire world.  This time I knew it was real.  After he escaped my clutches he sent me a text, still on my phone, that said, "Great.  Now how am I supposed to sleep?!"

The first time we made out there were no images of Kara in my head.  We did knock over some picture frames and ripped the canopy from my ceiling.  (TMI?  Kara, WHY are you reading this part?!) ;)  After we exhausted ourselves we laid on my floor. 
"Wow," he said.
"It's like we've been waiting our whole lives to do that," I said.
"I think I have."

We were INSEPARABLE.  I ate, drank, and breathed him. My English friends hated me because I deserted them completely.  But it was their fault.  At a party post New Years, I was telling them all how I liked him but didn't know if I could go through with it because of Kara.  At the advice of my girls and my gay boys, I decided to go for it.  Thanks guys.

At this point it was almost Valentines Day.  I knew I loved him but I never said it first.  I also wanted to wait to tell him on Valentines Day.  He had the same idea.  But one night about a week and a half before, he stopped mid sentence, gazed at me like I'd dreamed of being gazed at my entire life, and said, "I love you.  I know you're not ready to say it back and that's okay.  I wanted to wait until Valentines day but I can't.  I love you, Chelsi."  Still a little scared, I didn't say anything, mostly due to tears, and kissed him.  About a day later I felt like exploding, so I ran to his apartment, burst in, kissed him and said, "I love you!" 

Valentines day came.  I was working at the computer lab in the English building. So, before I went to work, I set up a candle light picnic in my bedroom for me and Spencer and picked up a heart-shaped pizza. Spencer came to visit me at work as there was nobody there.  We talked and decided this was it. So, instead of telling each other we loved each other, we took the obvious next step and called the temple to set a wedding date. :) Don't worry, we had both been praying about it for a few, okay, almost a week...but we knew it was right.

We went back to my apartment and I opened my bedroom door, looking back at him anticipating the surprise on his face. Nothing came. Confused, I turned to make sure nobody had stolen my picnic. It was gone alright, but in it's place was a beautiful candlelight dinner, roses, and candles everywhere. It was the most beautiful room I'd ever seen. I cried, then we both laughed that we'd both had the same idea. (His was better, of course.) My favorite present he gave me was my card. It is white and embossed with a picture of Sleeping Beauty and Prince Phillip dancing in the forest (my favorite part) and it's shimmery. Inside it talks of all things that happen "Once Upon a Dream." (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to watch Sleeping Beauty!) We had a wonderful night, then that weekend we went to the ballet, Romeo and Juliet, still our favorite one.

I got my engagement ring about a month later.  I think these pictures say it all. 

On June 30th, 2006 I married the only man in the universe for me.  My perfect man, created, molded, and guided just for me.  I thought I'd never love anyone with the intensity of Colby, but I was wrong.  Sometimes at night I lay awake just staring at him, crying at how much I love him and fighting the urge to kiss him and wake him up.  I could never love anyone as much as I love this man.  Nobody is as perfect as he is.  He is the ONLY person I want to see ALL of the time.  The only person who can make my nose crinkle.  The only person who can always read my mind.  The person who knows every secret I have.  The only person I tell my deepest feelings to.  The only person who always says exactly what I need to hear.  The only person who supports me in everything...from cake decorating to birth control to job decisions to vampire obsessions.  The only person who I can laugh for hours until my stomach hurts on a random Wednesday night.  The only person who over celebrates everything with me.  The only person I look forward to running errands with.  The only person I get in trouble with.  The only person I am my truest self with.  The only person who gives me the strength to fight and endure.  The only person who gives me motivation to want to.  The only person whose smile I could paint a thousand times.  The only person who makes me want to explode with happiness.

Happy Valentines Day to the ONLY person.  I love you.


Kari said...

i read the whole thing! you should feel honored since I don't like to read a lot. :)

some of it brought tears to my eyes. i'm so glad you found your one and only...he is so perfect for you. i'm kind of jealous, but don't get me wrong, i'm totally happy! but you sure make it sound like a fairytale. i love how real you are in your posts. and i love how you still have that text!

oh, and you two sure are damaging with your exercises together...broken canopy, broken closet door...i assume that's not the whole list. :)

Heidi said...

Oh dear I'm bawling like a baby! I can't get over how amazing your writing is. That was SO fun to read! I sure hope you print that up for your children to read one day.

Let me tell you - I've known Spencer since I was in 4th grade... so what year was that... 1994 I think? I always thought of him as kind of like a big brother. Although we didn't always hang in the same crowd or have the tightest bond, I always thought we had our own little bond - brother/sister type. Where we could go a few months without talking and then all the sudden pick up where we left off. I remember telling him stories of my boyfriends, and hearing one or two of his own stories. I REMEMBER THINKING TO MYSELF... that one day, this kid is going to make a killer husband. He was always so sweet, genuine... real.

Although I've never met you, I feel like I know you through all of your writing. And Spencer is one damn lucky man! You two have a beautiful beautiful relationship. I love reading about it - which is why I highly recommend you journal all of this for your children to read one day. It's very inspiring.

Please tell Spencer hello from me. I'm so happy that he is happy. :) Happy LOVE day Chelsi! Thanks for sharing such a fun story!

Natalie | The Bobby Pin said...

Soooo sweet. I think love can be a total journey and yours is amazing!

The Voorhees Family said...

You are such a romantic. I've never heard the whole story before. That would have been a crazy time in the apartment. I love you sweetie!