Friday, May 4, 2012

hello! we're here too!

A while ago, Spencer found me this random blog about a couple, Whitney and Spencer, who were struggling with infertility.  Whitney has a blog called "Creating while Waiting," where she blogs about all of her creative endeavors and (my) Spencer and his mom suggested I look into doing the same thing.  I am.  But that isn't my point. 

Over the past year, Whitney and Spencer have experienced the devastating loss of being matched with a birthmother who was faking her pregnancy, then the joy of being matched successfully with another, and have finally brought home a beautiful baby boy just about a month ago.  I have been following their story and in doing so, have fallen head over heels with them.  I'm really sad they live in Idaho, because I want to be best friends.  She recently wrote a post for National Infertility Awareness Week, and it is so good I wanted to share it, since mine didn't really follow the theme "Don't Ignore Fertility."  I've recently had two experiences that made this theme a little too hard to write about, but as time has passed, I've been able to see the positive side of them.

A friend and I threw a bridal shower for one of our besties.  Before the shower, I'd say we were acquaintances, but by no means close.  We both loved Jaclyn, but that was about the extent of our relationship.  Her little sister recently lost a baby, so I've been communicating with her and checking up on her.  Before the shower, I went over to her house early to set up.  We had the opportunity to talk, first about her little sister, then herself.  She shared with me her recent experiences of multiple miscarriages and infertility.  We cried and hugged and swapped stories and advice.  I invited her to my blog.  At the shower, when conversation turned to pregnancy and how hard and awful it was, how horrible breast-feeding was, and how hard motherhood in general was, I looked over at her and saw the same expression of pain and anxiety that I felt.  We made eye contact and she said to me, "Tell me what Spencer does," and I felt like someone had thrown me a life preserver.  We quietly had our own little conversation and let the others talk.  We didn't have to fade into the background.  We had each other.  Later, at the wedding, a girl I grew up with literally chastised my husband and me for not having children.  As well as having the support of my husband, I was able to look to my new friend for a hug and understanding as well.  Infertility is a horrible, painful thing, yes.  But, with every storm comes a rainbow.  If you let it, it can be an opportunity to bond with someone and grow, or even start a beautiful friendship.  Even if you aren't infertile yourself, you can still reach out to those who are.  I have had many loving friends, fertile and infertile, who have reached out to love and support me.  I am more grateful for you than you know.  Last mother's day I got several "Thinking of you" texts.  Now that is friendship.  Whitney has some great ideas in her post, here.

3 comments:

Heidi said...

You are such a great writer. I have missed reading your posts. I haven't been much of a blogger lately. I enjoyed reading your friends blog post about not ignoring infertility. She is also a great writer - I wish I could write that well to get my similar-to-identical thoughts/feelings across. Maybe you could be my ghost writer. Ha!!!! Thanks for sharing this... I think I read this part like 10x "You are reminded continually that what you so desperately desire is just out of reach. And you worry that no matter how hard you try, you will always fall short of the person you were meant to become." Sigh... Much love my friend! XOXO

Harris Family said...

I've been thinking of you today.. and thought about your personal blog. I haven't been on for a while. I'm so glad I did. Reading that post is just what I needed. Thanks for thinking of me and I am so thankful for the special bond we made. I love ya and think of you daily.

*with tears streaming down my face

erin said...

you are one strong hermana, and i'm so glad you and sheen fell in love. you guys are good ones.