Monday, September 22, 2014

waiting well

That last post was a labor of love, guys.  I ended up getting EXTREME motion sickness and ended up being that girl who's a pale shade of green, laying her head on the table and clutching her motion-sickness bag for dear life!  I made it though.  There was no vomiting.

The concert was amazefest!  Mason played all my fave songs, including our song, and he even teared up a little while playing "Sorry Signs on Cash Machines," which, in turn made me cry for most of the concert.  I was PMSing, but still.  Get a grip.  Then, we talked to him.  I thought it would be really rushed and quick but it totes wasn't!  He had an actually convo with us and signed our letter Spence printed out. He took our cards...and then...he hugged me.  He hugged me.  It was so sweet.

I have needed hugs lately.  For the past week I have been a hot mess.  My anxiety level is like way into crazy-town and I feel like I haven't breathed since Monday.  This. Is. Hard.  The uncertainty is killing me.  I called my parents one night at 3:30.  Hello, good parents.  Mom talked to me for about two hours and convinced me I could do this.  I have been on my knees more than ever, and pleaded for strength.  I know I can't do this on my own.  I'm not strong enough.  I need my Heavenly Father to buoy me up and give me strength and peace.

Last night Spencer's brother came over to give Spence a blessing and help him give me one.  I feel much better now and I have a plan.  I have a firm resolve to wait well.  It comes down to the basics, as it always does, right?  Scripture study, temple attendance, prayer.  Anything to invite the spirit into your life.  Anything to cling to.

I've also regained motivation to lose the weight I've put on.  Adoption weight gain?  It's real.  It's real and it's a son of a bitch.  Last year I went crazy and got bikini-ready for our family trip on thanksgiving, remember?  I looked good.  It's all back, plus more, I think, though I can't and won't confirm bc I refuse to weigh myself.  If I'm up to my "sick weight" from 6 years ago I might schedule lipo or something drastic. ;)  Just kidding.  Have you seen Botched?  Hello.

Alright, work out, sleep, pray (more, woah), temple.  Go!  Go team Johnston! Go!!

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