adventures as newlyweds

i'm going to disneyland!

2012-02-01T16:14:00.000-07:00

Breaking news:
I am going to Disneyland on my birthday. Again...

I am going to Disneyland on my BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited it is unbelievable. Kinda like Kristen Bell when she found out a sloth would be at her birthday party. Since 25, birthdays have become a little hard to handle. But 28 is going to be the BEST birthday EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this is what I want to wear. I really want red pants. Really bad. I don't know why, exactly, I just do. And I found these at Charlotte Russe. I must buy them. (Digression: I already have the jacket, but it needed it to complete the ensemble in Polyvore. Further Digression: I made this set days ago and didn't know it posted to my blog. I always forget to uncheck the "blog it" button. So annoying. )

disneyland! by chelsij630 featuring white jewelry

Mango printed shirt
£17 - mango.com

H M zipper jacket
£30 - hm.com

Charlotte Russe denim jeans
$30 - charlotterusse.com

Disney Couture white jewelry
£30 - zentosa.com

Disney Couture zipper jewelry
£22 - mylabel.co.uk

Disney couture jewelry
£1.95 - zentosa.com

Not only do I get to go to Disneyland with my family on my birthday, but we get to stay in San Diego for four nights too. I also get to finally see my dear friend Megan Heavlin Ochoa, or MHO for short. You should sooo check out her music. She is amaze and on her way to fame and fortune. And I am proud to say that I knew her before she even knew how to play a guitar. I am equally excited to see her, as we missed each other the last time I was in California.

I really don't know how I'm going to handle all of this joy in four days. Hopefully I don't "crawl up on the bed and have a full-blown panic attack." Oh, Kristen.

my favorite moment

2012-01-20T06:50:00.001-07:00

There's this moment at the end of each of my days, my favorite moment, where I am sitting in bed unwinding with a book or journal and I look beside me to see scenes like these...
And then I snuggle myself into them and get all cozy. Then, I lie there and think about how lucky I am and how good life is. Then, I wait for the butterflies to quiet.

to teach

2012-01-18T01:37:00.000-07:00

I think about raising a daughter a lot. Not because I want a daughter more than a son, but because it frightens me a lot more to think about raising a girl. Perhaps this is because I am one-- there are things that scare me about raising a son as well, but I think being a girl is hard. I don't want my daughter to have some of the same issues I deal/t with as a girl.

Since I loved her post so much, I decided to copy Danielle and make a list of things I want to teach my little girl someday. Some of them aren't gender specific, but since I think about parenting a lot, a comprehensive list would be REALLY long.

That the gospel is true and living righteously will bring her unfathomable joy, as not living righteously will bring her unfathomable pain. I want her, of course, to know this for herself and not base her testimony on mine, but I hope she is lucky enough to be one who can learn from other's mistakes and not have to make them on her own. I hope she is lucky enough to learn the truthfulness of Christ's teachings simply by pondering them in her heart. Some may argue that this does not make for a strong testimony or a "real" testimony, but it has for me. There are some lessons that need to be learned through experience, but one does not need to learn to not sin by sinning.
To dream big. Because if you reach for the stars, you might not reach them, but you won't end up with a handful of mud either. (I don't know who said that.) SNL recently did a skit about the false confidence of the "Youtube generation." The generation who believes that they are extremely talented and posts videos of themselves on YouTube showcasing their talents. Or who have "jobs" as "photographers" or "songwriters" instead of engineers or doctors. It was hilarious and totally true. But I'd rather have my daughter have false confidence than the alternative. And if she wants to write songs instead of being a doctor, I'll support her. I'll encourage her to try and mold her passion into a plausible career (like her mom did), but in the end, I'll support her crazy dreams.
That I love her just the way she is. Of course, I hope we will have shared interests. I hope she likes to dance and loves to read. But, if she is completely left-brained tomboy who would rather be a mathlete than a ballerina, I will find ways to spend time with her doing the things she likes to do, even if she has to teach me. Especially if she has to teach me. (See #4) I will not try to make her into something she is not and I will assure she knows that not only do I accept her, but I love her and am proud of her, just the way she is.
That she can teach me. She will be better than me. Stronger than me. More faithful than me. And I will learn from her.
To love herself and her body. To take care of it and cherish it. I had an eating disorder when I was younger, and almost every woman I say that sentence to responds with, "Me too." I don't want that to be my daughter. This is one of the things that scares me the most. It terrifies me. I am so scared that despite all of my efforts, I will pale in comparison to society's expectations. I will instill in her a confidence outside of her looks, but also in her looks as well, because I know that won't be enough. Who knows if anything will be enough, but I will be damned if I don't put up a good fight. I recently read this amazing article about a mother's response to her 7-year-old daughter calling herself "fat." I hope to be that kind of mother. I also, of course, want to teach her to respect her body, to keep it clean, that it is a sacred gift from God.
To love books. This might be the one exception to #3. Reading is so important. I judge people who don't like to read...I won't deny it. Reading makes you more intelligent. It feeds creativity. It opens your mind to new ideas. It takes you anywhere you want to go. I want her to read, read, read. I read somewhere that if you read something every day, even if it's the back of a cereal box, it increases your IQ by 60%. I liked what Danielle said about exposing her daughter to good and bad media. I don't care what she reads; (as long as it doesn't pose a moral conflict) I just want her to read.
To fall in love. A friend recently lamented to me about being like me and "falling in love too easily." It's true. It is also true that it causes a lot of heartache, but it is my opinion that it's worth it. I have been lucky enough to love four different men in my lifetime, and I consider myself lucky for it. Sometimes I get sad that I'll never fall in love again, but I think you can fall in love with the same person at different stages of your life. I'm currently in love with almost-30-something Spencer. I'm looking forward to falling in love with mid-life crisis Spencer, empty-nester Spencer, and can't-hear-walk-or-see-little-old-man Spencer. I love my friends. I love my hobbies. I love pink. I love fashion. I love a lot of things, and I love that. I love love. I want my daughter to have a great capacity to love. I want her to love a million different people, a million different things, and a million different places.
To find something she is good at and master it. I wasn't good at a lot of things because of my physical limitations. I couldn't do a lot of things on the playground, and although I loved it, dancing was really hard. To compensate for this, my mom made sure to find things I was good at and foster them. She discovered I was a good reader, so she read me billions and billions of books, took me to the library once a week, and volunteered every single day of kindergarten during reading hour. She paid for years of art lessons, and salvaged a typewriter for me in elementary school. My mom is neither a writer nor an artist, these were just for me, but she loved them because I did. She is a reader though.
To be genuine. Girls can be so mean. I hope that having a mother who is different can teach her to love people for who they are and look past differences. I hope she is like my father and never judges anyone, no matter what and who can see the good in anyone. I hope she is a nice girl and has friends from all walks of life. That is what I will teach her to be.
To only date men who treat her like her father treats me. I have a copy of "He's Just Not that Into You" that I plan on giving her when she turns 16, with the "If he's not trying to have sex with you" section removed, or at least changed to "If he's not trying to kiss you." I don't want her to make the mistakes I did and let boys string her along. I don't want her to pine away for 8 years for a boy who doesn't deserve her, or even waste precious minutes waiting for someone to call. I want her to seek out men who genuinely love and respect her, and who make sure she knows it. Other ones aren't worth it.

2012-01-13T02:43:00.000-07:00

I've been a horrible blogger lately. Everything I write seems to end up sounding like what I like to call "word vomit." If any of you were unfortunate enough to read last night's brain dump about infertility before I deleted it, I am sorry, I was having a bad night and was medicated. Ahem. I want to write about what's going on in my head, not just about infertility, but about body image and Christmas and groceries on a budget, or how I saw a guy at the gym in an actual foil sweat suit... but my writing has been so sub-par lately I always end up deleting my posts without publishing. So, I link to people's blogs or I post pictures of my hair and latest pumpkin creations.

I was looking for something tonight and stumbled upon a folder full of my writing. The essay section was full of high school and college essays, all marked with an A or A+, some with comments like, "Awesome paper, as usual," "Compelling use of dialogue," or "VERY thought-provoking!" Ones from my favorite professor were marked 74/75, or 63/65, just to challenge me. My Beowulf essay from the Wicked Witch of the Lit Department was covered in red ink like it had been massacred. But they made me miss college. I miss writing, or at least being forced to write. Obviously, I have this blog because I love to write, and I have several stories in a folder called "writy things" that are coming along. But I miss the challenge of writing about something complex and maybe something I don't fully understand, then discovering it as I go.

Mark Twain said, "I write to find out what I am thinking." I do that too. I guess that's why lately my writing has been disheveled. So have my thoughts. But, they are happy thoughts. Maybe that's the problem too. I am most inspired when I'm sad. I can't write a decent poem to save my life now that I'm not heart-broken, love-sick and lonely.

Someone else said, "I write to prove that I exist." That is also true for me. I think there is a small part in all of us that wants to leave a legacy for those who follow. I'm pretty sure I'll have a great story to tell when it's all said and done, and like I mentioned earlier, I am writing it, in the writy things folder. But, sometimes it's so hard to force yourself to live in the past for a few hours for the sake of a few pages.

Many, many teachers told me, "Write what you know." So, this is what I know. I am more excited about our adoption than I've ever been about anything in my life. I want to start planning EVERYTHING and when I think about it I get all hyper and giddy. I've "met" several new "adoption friends" who I e-mail back-and-forth with as often as I can to ask questions, get advice, and to generally get really excited. June is still our goal to have the money for the intake fee.

I love our home. It's so...HOME. It's the equivalent to Spencer in that he was THE ONE I was looking for. Well, this home is THE ONE we were looking for. We all adore it. Belle lays in the window seat or in one of her "sun spots" all day while I work. Yesterday she played in the snow for two hours! And in the summer she'll spend all her days sunning on the deck. I want to get a cushion and pillows made for my window seat so I can have a cute little reading nook like when I was little. I loved my window seat and would take naps there. So, neighbors, if you walk by and see me sleeping in the bay window, don't be alarmed.

Speaking of neighbors. I love ours. We have, of course, met, hung out and talked a few times, but when I had my last seizure right before Christmas, my sweet neighbor Jana was by my side through the entire thing. She would come over twice a day to check on me and to let Belle out and help me to the bathroom. She made us dinners and coordinated with my Visiting Teachers to do the same and let me tell you, it was a RELIEF! Usually, after a seizure Spencer can take a day off to take care of me, but this time, he couldn't and neither could my parents. So, Jana stepped right up and saved the day...well several days. Since then we've hung out or at least talked almost every single day. I told you something good always comes from these things. She has an amazing sister and three adorable kids who I am in love with. Livi is turning 4 next week and I'm making her a Tiana birthday cake. :)

The last month or so was hard. I shouldn't have accepted my calling in nursery without praying first about it. I just didn't want to disappoint my Heavenly Father. But, after a lot of prayer I finally felt peace and that turning it down was okay and the right decision for me and our situation. I know Heavenly Father is not disappointed in me and I know I will find another, less painful way to serve Him. (One that won't require me to sedate myself afterward.) ;)

I also know that I have a mind-boggling number of the best friends and family you could ask for. I know how blessed I am but I want all of you to know how grateful I am for your mere presence in my life. My love for each of you is beyond measure. That is what I know.

And finally, I know I have to go to bed because I'm trying SO hard to train myself to sleep like a normal person. It's going pretty well, if you ask me. But don't ask Spencer.

Beautiful

2012-01-12T19:59:00.003-07:00

My friend Danielle, wrote this amazing post about what she hopes to instill in her daughter and how she hopes to raise her. It is beautiful. I love it so much, I'm telling all of you to read it and feel all warm and fuzzy too.

Raising Mae.

book overdose

2011-12-29T17:41:00.000-07:00

So, in the month of October, I may or may not have read 8 books and racked up a little bit of a bill... Okay I totally did. I liked them so much that I thought I'd share with you. Now, as a disclaimer, I like Christian romance novels, and no matter how much husband teases me, I am not ashamed. Religion is the biggest part of my life, interwoven into everything I do, especially dating, romance, and marriage. It makes the characters in my books easy to relate to. At least I'm not into Jedi books!

On that note...It all started with my insomnia, as most books do. I was searching for free kindle books on Spencer's phone and found this one: Daughter of Joy, Brides of Culdee Creek Book 1, by Kathleen Morgan. It's about a widow who comes to work as a housekeeper for an onory widower in the 1800s. I also love historical romance novels. Win, win. Download and see what you think. It's free!!

It was really good! So, I read the second book, which wasn't free, but cheap. I think this one is my favorite of the series. It expands on a very lovable character from book one, but I don't want to give anything away in case you decide to read it. Woman of Grace, Brides of Culdee Creek Book 2.

So, obviously, I read the next one, Lady of Light, Brides of Culdee Creek Book 3. This one disappointed me. It's about the son from Book 1 who runs away to Scottland and brings home a bride. I was super excited about it because another genre I'm into- Scottish Romance. Especially Highlander stuff. Spencer is of Scottish decent and I like to imagine him romping around the highlands in his kilt and me as a young maiden trying to save our homelands. But, I digress. This one was just okay. It was a little bit of a downer.

So, to perk myself up, I read the last one, Child of Promise, Brides of Culdee Creek, Book 4. This one is about the daughter of the onory widower in Book 1 who returns home after medical school and regretfully serves the town she grew up hating as the first female physician. I liked this one a lot. It is excellent to see the evolution of this character from a troubled child to a bad ass physician! Girl power. It has a lot of twists and turns too. Very good and an excellent end to a series.

So, then I stumbled upon this...Child of the Mist, These Highland Hills, Book 1. A Scottish Highlander romance by the same author! Jackpot. This one is free too, and I don't know why. It. was. excellent. I think I read it in three days. I loved it! It's about an arranged marriage to save a clan, suspected witchcraft, traitor-ship, betrayals, family feuds...a lot of drama. Elsie, you'd like this one!

Wings of Morning, These Highland Hills, Book 2 is filled with even more intrigue. I loved this one too. It's about a girl whose husband is killed on their wedding night and she rides out to find him, gets in an accident and loses all of her memory. She's found by a neighboring clan and they take her in, but as her memory returns, she suspects they might've killed her husband. The only problem is, she's in love with the murderer. Total soap opera plot, but good.

A Fire Within, These Highland Hills, Book 3 is just a page-turner. It's about an unlikely alliance between a suspected traitor and a laird's sister (from book 1). I loved this one. Caitlain is a spit fire and again, it was a great evolution of her character. I was sad to see this series end.

As High as the Heavens is a spin-off of the previous series. It's about a plot to rescue Queen Mary in which a young noblewoman has to teach a Highlander to act like, well, a noble. They hate each other at first, but obvi, they fall in love. It's a little slow to start, but in the end, a good read.

I need to get to a bookstore so I can read, Embrace the Dawn (Scottish Highlands Series #1) and Consuming Fire (Scottish Highlands Series #2).

I'm also looking forward to A Heart Divided, Love Forbidden, A: A Novel (Heart of the Rockies) and A Culdee Creek Christmas Series. I'm not sure about her Guardians of Gadiel or Five Star Romance series. Like I said, I'm not into Jedis.

an announcement

2011-11-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

November is adoption month and before it passes in a few short hours, I have a story to tell you. As many of you know, buying a home was the first step for us in building our family. It has been a magical experience. We LOVE it. We often say to each other, "Don't you just LOVE our house?!" and putting up Christmas decor was even more magical. We love our neighborhood. We love our ward. We love our view. Love, love, love is all around. (A video tour is coming soon, btw, I reminded husband about it last night.) After we got settled down a little and had like 6 barbeques, we had a long talk and decided to pray again about starting the adoption process.

We both got the same answer: We needed more information. So, I called our local office and was informed that adoption orientation was the first Saturday of each month and all my questions would be answered then. I called the Monday after the first Saturday. We had almost a month to stew, speculate and freak ourselves right out. I've never had so many anxieties before...and I am an anxious person! We were scared about openness in the adoption (mine is closed and I like it that way...so openness is new for us), we were nervous about failed adoption(s) and how we'd deal, we were nervous about home inspections (my parents told me horror stories), we were nervous about the general HARDNESS of it all, but we were most nervous about the financial aspect. We had no idea when and even if we would ever be able to afford it. I can honestly say it is the biggest fear I've ever had. Even bigger than dying. Like a lot bigger.

As the day approached we found out that Spencer could only take the morning off of work and that he would have to leave me in my most likely crushed and desperate state and go to work while I took heavy seizure meds and cried myself to sleep. And no, I'm not being dramatic. It was a definite and likely possibility. We were so keyed up that I'm pretty sure we could've powered our house just on our nerves. Spencer's brother came over the night before, after working a long day then attending to his church callings, to give both of us a blessing. We had a long talk and he gave us beautiful blessings, but I still didn't sleep a wink.

And then, it was here. The meeting was at 9 am. We pulled in the parking lot at 8:45 and said a prayer, then held sweaty hands and tried to breathe normally. We walked in and a friendly woman told us to wait and the adoption director would be with us in a minute. Soon, other couples filed in with the same strained looks on their faces. The clock on the wall ticked loudly...9:10...9:15...9:17....9:25. I looked around the room and noted to Spencer that there was so much toe-tapping, nail-biting, twitching, sweating, and clock-glancing that I wanted to video record it. They should NOT keep prospective adoptive parents waiting half an hour. I don't think I could possibly describe the nervous tension in the room. FINALLY at 9:27 a woman ushered us into a room and apologized sincerely for the delay. We went around the table and introduced ourselves and told our situations, and then all of our questions were answered. ALL of them.

After the meeting we thanked the presenter and spoke with a few couples briefly, then went to our car. As soon as we left the doors of the office I broke down and started bawling my eyes out. We stood by the car while Spencer hugged me and cried a little too. Then he asked me, "Why are you crying, Baby?" and I said, "Because I'm so happy!" and he said, "Me too!" Then, we just stared at each other and I said, "We can do this..." I don't know if I actually believed it yet. And he said, "We can TOTALLY do this!" Then we laughed and hugged and jumped up and down...right in the parking lot. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

So, after that dramatic story...I bet your wondering what we learned. We learned a lot, so I'll break it down into my favorite key points:

The intake fee is $1,000 which covers your background checks, home inspections, etc. The rest of the money is due after placement and is affordable to us. It will take us a while to save up the 1,000 dollars for the intake fee, but we are confident that if we continue to put the Lord first, he will provide us with the appropriate means at the appropriate time. Our goal is to have it by the end of the summer.
Home inspections are SANE and scheduled. They do one pop-in but they check for general safety and happiness in your home...not dust bunnies. And they don't inspect your brick like they did my parents'...which was a relief since we have siding. ;)
The adoption coordinator has worked there 20 years and has only seen two, TWO, 2, failed adoptions. Two. T-W-O. (Don't leave me a comment about how you know someone who had a failed adoption. Please don't.)
The level of openness is negotiated between your birthmom and you. They all vary. Usually the relationship is like that of a family friend and decreases over time. I don't know what I want...I just want my baby to be happy. That's all. And I want to buy our birthmom stuff. I love her already.
After you pay your intake fee and the home inspection takes place, you are approved and then can create a profile and wait for a birthmom to pick you...which means you're basically pregnant. You might be pregnant for two years, but STILL!!!!!! You're IN!
It's not horrible. It's beautiful. There will be hard aspects I am sure. Mostly the waiting. But the adoption process itself will not be a trial. It will be magnificent.

Thank you to all of you who have already heard this news and responded with tears of joy, hugs, squeals, jumping up and down, and the like. Each squeal, tear, word, and jump means more to us than you could EVER possibly imagine. We were more excited to tell our friends and family then I've ever been to tell anyone anything. We considered standing on our roof and screaming, but we didn't want to scare the neighbors, so we screamed inside instead. These past few weeks have been some of the happiest of my life, filled with the hope of possibility. It's real.

hair pins

2011-11-21T04:16:00.003-07:00

I like having long hair because you can do soooooo many different things with it. It's so versatile and if you're lazy, you can do beautiful things in a hurry. I try not to use heat on my hair for a number of reasons: one, it's bad for it; two, my hair doesn't hold curl from heat, three, I burn myself way too much; and four, it takes too long! I'm always looking for new, fast and easy ways to do my hair. Some of my most favorite things I have learned on pinterest are just that. It's become sort of a project between my friend Kari and me. We've been texting each other hair dos for weeks now. Last Sunday, I may or may not have inconspicuously snapped a picture of a girl's hair sitting in front of me in Sunday School and sent it to her for observation. Okay, I totes did. I didn't figure out how to do her hairdo, but I'd like to share with you the ones that I have tried.

The faux french braid. I did this one a lot this summer. The video is a little annoying, but whatevs. I combine it with this one:

top view

side view


Kari view

The messy "French Bun." I've worn this a few times, but oddly, there are no pictures of me in it. Lame. Here's the link, though: http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2009/11/messy-french-bun.html
The Twisty Bun. I wore this to church today. I've also worn it to work, and a couple of baby showers. Super easy! http://blueribbonstudio.blogspot.com/2011/04/hair-tutorialvia-michaela-noelle.html And some pictures:
Self-taken photos in the mirror=awkward.

Silly face because I felt so awkward.
Fishtail Braid. I know some of you can't believe I didn't know how to do this...but I didn't. Cause it looks so intricate and hard! It's not. Here's a vid:

And here's me!
The Sock Bun and the Sock Bun Curls. The sock bun is apparently, no secret, but it was to me. I love me some buns, so a big, voluminous bun? Yes please! It totally works. This is a new go to for glamour. Oddly enough...I don't think I have pictures of me wearing one. I, of course, do one big bun on the top of my head like this:
Apparently, it is supposed to curl your hair too. The link to that tutorial is at the end of the video. I've done it three times and it hasn't worked yet. I wonder if I have too long or too much hair. I won't complain.
Taylor Swift Curls. I was devastated that this didn't work. I may try it again. Here's the video:
The Gibson Tuck. I can't do this to save my life. I tried today and made us 20 minutes late for church. The hair tie makes my hair on the sides fall out, which is weird...you'd think it'd have the opposite effect. It's easier for me to do it sans hair tie, but I can't get both sides looking even yet. If any of you try it, let me know! The link is: http://saralynnpaige.com/blog/style/simple-gibson-tuck/
And now, my favorite. I almost hate telling this one. Usually, when I want to curl my hair I put it up in sponge rollers and sleep on it. It takes about 30 minutes to do my whole head though, and since I have to do it at night, sometimes it can be a hassle. It looks like this:

I always get a lot of compliments, but like I said, sometimes at 11 at night I don't want to put my hair in rollers. Enter sock curls. I get a looser version of this curl in about 1/4 the time. It it my absolute favorite new way to wear my hair. I wear it a lot when I want to curl my hair but have low energy. Here are some pics:

not the best "front" day but still pretty in the back

It is so easy and it works EVERY time! Here is the video:

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You're welcome, America! Don't forget to read my All About Epilepsy post from last year. It's epilepsy awareness month but I couldn't think of anything new to write about except for how Obama care will screw me over...and I just don't want to get into it.

Stay tuned for a very exciting post coming soon though...

Halloween in a Nutshell...or Pumpkin Shell

2011-11-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

October was busy. Mostly busy with baking. But we did manage to fit in an awesome trip to the haunted forest, a family Halloween party where my mother-in-law made the cutest food ever...

And carve pumpkins with Dane and Heidi.

This was our first year staying in and handing out candy. We bought a bag of 100 and thought we'd be fine, but we were out by 8:00. My favorite costumes were a family of Mario characters. Two brothers were Mario and Lugi, their sister was Princess Peach, and the baby...a mushroom!! He had a little mushroom beanie on. So cute!!

This year we didn't dress up because we didn't really have plans to go anywhere. And, we kind of ran out of time. Spencer was put in charge of decorating at his office, and he built this awesome robot replica from Star Wars, since that was their theme.

Look how big it is! There is a tiny man underneath! He also made his Chewie costume using some parts from the cowardly lion two years ago.

The day after Halloween he surprised me and took me to see Dracula! (I MAY have dropped a few hints.) Vampires and Ballet? Yes, please. It. was. awesome. Dracula was super creepy. The effects were great. He flew through the air at one point and at the end, he exploded in a firework, then his dead body fell from the ceiling. The brides were my favorite. They did such a good job at being really, really creepy, and really, really beautiful simultaneously. The henchman was great too. He did a great job at being spastic and graceful simultaneously...which are complete opposites but somehow, he achieved it. It was at the capitol theater and it is such a beautiful space. You aren't allowed to take pics, but we took a self-portrait on the DL.

Now, I'm preparing to go see Breaking Dawn. And my Christmas decor may or may not be up...

31 Days of Pumpkin: Days 25-31

2011-11-04T21:05:00.000-06:00

Day 25: Pumpkin Pesto Wheels

These were really yummy and pretty easy to make, Spencer said, he made them. I have to be honest though, the bacon overpowered the other flavors. We both thought so. Sans bacon would be better I think. We had them with spaghetti then saved the rest to eat later in the week with some pumpkin Alfredo. I got the recipe from Foodalogue. I would totes make them again with said pasta, which is coming later, hold on.

Day 26: Pumpkin Quesadillas

Spence made these too, cause he's a quesadilla master. Seriously. He wasn't sure about these at first, but then he changed his mind. We were both fans. The hesitation was that they were a little mushy. They could've used some crunch. How to achieve that, I don't know...perhaps nachos? But like I said, we were both fans. He said they were even better the next day for lunch. The recipe came from Closet Cooking.

Day 27: Pumpkin Pasta

This was a total winner. Super yummy, easy, and cheap! Home run. I'm adding this to my regular dinner repertoire. The recipe was from Italian Cooking Made Easy and is reminiscent of a Williams Sonoma recipe, apparently. I only had half a can of pumpkin and didn't want to go to the store, so I chanced it. I think it was the perfect amount! A full can would've been overpowering. It was really good with our leftover pumpkin wheels. And yes, if you're thinking that we eat on the couch a lot, we do. We'll eat at the table when we have kids.
Day 28: Pumpkin Roll

Always a classic and always yum-o. I always use the recipe from Libby's. I took some to our neighbors because I always cut mine in half. They make great neighbor gifts. Last year my grandma and I made like 60 for our neighbors after my pee-in-a-cup debacle. Good times. We're planning another insane day of baking with my mom and new sis.

Day 29: Pumpkin Whoopie Pies

Um...woah. I know it might be blasphemous to say this...but these might, might replace the pumpkin roll. Although the roll is easier to make...less time consuming. But these are so fun! And so delicious! I got the recipe from my sister, who got it from here. Don't worry sis, this picture, it's totally a plate for you. I gave some to my daddy too and he was excited about them. Crap. We only have two left and I totally want one now.

Day 30: Pumpkin Emphanadas

I looove bavarian cream emphanadas from Taco Time. Sue me. Last year they had a pumpkin one and I was so excited for it. It was so gross. This recipe, however, was a total winner! In fact, I want one of these right now too. I'm going to have to flip a coin. I'm going to make bavarian cream ones and taco cups one night with all the left over phyllo dough. The recipe is from Better Homes and Gardens and they don't call them emphandas but they so are.

Day 31: Pumpkin Creme Brulee

I wanted to go out with a bang and saved this recipe for last. It was pretty easy to make and the presentation was awesome. I'd love to have a harvest dinner party and serve the pinwheels, the pasta, and these for dessert. Spencer hollowed out the pumpkins for me and we cooked them while we handed out candy and watched Poltergiest III. We turned it off because I am afraid of mirrors anyway, and the whole thing is about freaky reflections!! Anyway, the recipe is from Better Homes and Gardens. We could be better at crystallizing the sugar, but it was fun.

So, I bet you're wondering, would I do it again? No. It was exhausting. I'd totally do it again for like a week. There are still some recipes I want to try, like Chocolate Drizzled Pumpkin Profiteroles, Pumpkin Cornbread, Pumpkin Magic Bars, and Pumpkin Macaroons. Plus recipes I so want to make again, like the chilli, the doughnut holes, and the whoopies. That's a week right there! I'm all set for next year.

What were our favorites? I'd say the top five are the doughnut holes, whoopies, chili, pasta, and dump cake.

How did I do it? I cut all of these recipes in half, or even fourths, like I do almost everything, and most everything turned out great. My neighbors and family got a lot of treats. My trusty Kitchenaid got A LOT of use, as did my dishwasher and measuring cups. I went through two bags of sugar, two bags of flour, three cartons of eggs, and four packages of butter. I'd say I used about 25 cans of pumpkin. I'm pretty sure I gained some weight too, but I haven't checked. ;) I'm glad I did it. It was really fun, even when I had to start baking at 11 at night. And we have a whoooole lot of yummy pumpkin recipes in our cookbook!

31 Days of Pumpkin: Days 11-24

2011-10-25T03:41:00.010-06:00

The pumpkin madness continues.

Day 11: Pumpkin Snickerdoodles

These were yummy. Perfect balance of pumpkin and snickerdoodleness. They were pretty easy too. The recipe I used is from Annie's Eats here. How did I find all of these recipes, you ask...Pinterest, of course.

Day 12: Spicy Coconut Pumpkin Soup

This was really good and different enough from our previous two soups that we didn't feel like we were eating the same thing. The recipe is from Better Homes and Garden's here.

Day 13: Old Fashioned Pumpkin Bread

It looks good right? Looks, and smells, can be deceiving. It was so gross I spit it out. Sooo molassesy. And I have nothing against molasses. It was like molasses punched me in the face. It smelled really good though so it was good potporri for my garbage can. No recipe. You don't want it.

Day 14: Pumpkin Doughnut Holes

O....m...g. These were SOOOOO GOOD. I could've eaten these ten at a time and every single day for the rest of my life. I wish I had some right now. They were from the Craving Chronicles and the name fits. I liked that they were baked and not fried; one, I don't have a fryer, two, I'm afraid of frying things, and three, it's so messy. The only tasking part about these was the rolling in butter and then cinnamon and sugar got slightly tasking after about 13...but that was before I'd tasted them! So worth it.

Day 15: Pumpkin Dump Cake

This was amazeballs. This was my first "dump cake" and I won't lie, I was skeptical. But, I was pleasantly surprised. The toffee bits were sooo yummy in it and I love hot gooey things with ice cream on top. We have more in the fridge but we need to buy more vanilla ice cream to top it. It's not the same without it. Mmmm. From Cookies and Cups.

Day 16: Crockpot Pumpkin Pudding
I forgot to take a photo of this but it looked just like the one from Annie Oakley's Kitchen. This was on a Sunday when we spoke in church, so it was super easy and it was nice to use my crock pot for something different. It made the house smell really good too. Spencer loved it but I thought it was just okay. Ps. I don't use my crockpot nearly enough. I have a 101 crockpot recipes book but I haven't tried many of them. Anyone have any crockpot faves?

Day 17: Pumpkin Oreo Tarts

I don't have mini tart pans so mine aren't as cute as the ones in Adventures in Dessert. It was pretty yummy, but it didn't blow me away.

Day 18: Pumpkin French Toast.
I forgot to take a picture of this too, because it burned when I stuck it under the broiler for a second...or two. My new oven is hot.

Day 19: Pumpkin Cheesecake Muffins

I would call these cupcakes instead of muffins, but don't worry, I still ate two for breakfast. I took them to work too and they were eaten very quickly. The struesel topping was yummy, yummy. I'm pretty sure I made a "Nom, Nom, Nom" sound whilst eating them. From Sugar Cooking.

Day 20: Pumpkin Butterscotch Brownies

I was pretty sure these brownies would change the course of my entire life. I was so excited to eat them I could hardly contain myself. The batter was so good....the brownies...not so much. They were basically a gooey mess. I think they might work better in a jelly roll pan and with less or no ice cream topping. Recipe from Picky Palate.

Day 21: Mini Pumpkin Cheesecakes

I had leftover batter and cheesecake filling from the muffins, and I also had gingersnaps. So, I thought I'd be brilliant and make mini pumpkin cheesecakes. They failed. My batter to cheesecake ratio was off. Too much batter, not nearly enough cheesecake. Gooey mess.

Day 22: Pumpkin Spiced Hot Chocolate

Very quick. Spencer whipped this up in our Cocoamotion while I took a shower. It was perfect after our cold night in the Haunted Forest at Sherwood Hills, which was awesome, by the way. I was unaware of my brother's fear of chainsaw men. Before we went in, my sister-in-law gave him permission to leave her and run as fast as he could when we saw one, and I thought she was being funny. Never have I seen ANYONE run so fast as my little brother did. He was so afraid he ran all the way to the car, got in, and backed out. I think he would've driven away if we hadn't made it to the car, the chainsaw guy sawing at the car windows! It was hilarious. I'm sure he missed the group behind us because he was having so much fun tormenting my brother. Oh, the recipe is from Eggs on Sunday. And I finally opened my Halloween marshmallows. :)

Day 23: Pumpkin Fudge

My momma helped me make this at her house yesterday because she's a whiz at softballing. (It's a stage of boiling sugary things.) It was really yummy but I'm not really a fudge girl and it made a lot so I thought I'd cut it up and take it Visiting Teaching. Feel free to leave suggestions for the tag. ;) Recipe from Recipe Girl.

Day 24: Pumpkin Doggie Biscuits

I adapted this recipe from Undressed Skeleton, sent to me by my friend Kari, with the subject line, "Because you're THAT person." :) Yes, yes I am. I adapted this because I have a severe aversion to tuna and I didn't have rolled oats. I also thought painting it with smushed up berries was slightly ridiculous. I'm not that person. Belle LOVED this. I would suggest, of course, only one per day. There's a lot of stuff in it that could cause some diarrhea if your puppy ate too much.

My version of the recipe:
1 1/4 c wheat flour
1 egg
1/4 c plus 2-3 Tbs pumpkin divided
Dash of baking soda
2 tsp olive oil
1/4 cup cheddar cheese

Combine all ingredients except 2-3 Tbs pumpkin; add pumpkin by tablespoons until a dough begins to form. Roll out and cut to desired shape. Bake at 350 on parchment-lined pan for ten minutes.

Frosting:
1/4 c Greek yogurt
3 Tbs Peanut butter

Combine till smooth and frost cooled cookies.

More to come after Halloween! This week I am concentrating on entrees rather than desserts. I'm slightly pumpkin desserted out. Slightly. I heart dessert.

thank you

2011-10-14T19:05:00.000-06:00

I should be writing my sacrament talk right now, but I need a warm up. Recently, two of my good friends from college have sent me surprise packages in the mail and made my entire week.* I was writing a thank you note this morning for the latest, (spoiler alert, Jerilynn) and it occurred to me that the art of the thank you card is one that is lost. My mamma taught me well, from a very young age, the importance of the thank you card. I feel like in this day and age of instant communication, the concept is viewed as old-fashioned and no longer necessary. Perhaps it is. However, sending a thank you card is never a bad idea. Nobody ever goes to their mailbox and says, "Aw crap! A card?! All I wanted were bills." Especially in this day of instant communication, to recieve a handwritten note in the mail is even more exciting. At least for me. So, I confer upon you now, the ettiquitte of the thank you.

Why should you send thank you cards? It shows good manners. It shows you are a lady. It shows you are appreciative. It shows you care. It makes people happy and glad they went to the trouble that they did. It's nice.

When should you send a thank you card? Whenever you want. Like I said, it's never a bad idea. They can be sent after someone gives you a gift, does something special for you, or attends a special event. Thank you cards should absolutely and always be sent after weddings and showers. After birthdays is not usually expected, but I have sent some to extra special people from time to time. Thank you cards should be sent one to seven days after the gift was received or the event occurred and should never exceed 10 days. After a wedding, thank you cards should be sent out within one month. Yep, 30 days. Your hand will cramp, but you don't want to look ungrateful, right?

How do you write a thank you? Sincerely. My mom taught me that hand-written notes are best. However, I believe typed notes are just as nice as long as you personalize them. Thank you notes should be personal, not generalized in order to make the recipient feel special. If money was received, mention what you used the money to buy, or are planning to buy. If you received a gift, you should mention the gift specifically and explain how you are using it, how you plan to use it, how great it looks in your home, etc. If an event was attended, be sure to thank them for attending and mention how nice it was to see them. Here is an example:

Dear Abigail,**
Thank you so much for the amazing blender you gave us. I use it almost every day; it makes the best smoothies and thick milkshakes. It was so wonderful to see you at the wedding. I can't believe it had been since high school! You looked fabulous and it was so great to catch up with you. I miss seeing you every week at dance class and trying to dish as fast as we could before Miss Penny cued the piano! Let's get together soon and I'll make you a smoothie. Thanks again!
Love,
Chelsi

**I don't think Abigail got me a blender, but if she did, this is what I would say.

What if you don't like the gift? Don't say it sucks. If you took it back, just thank them anyway and focus on how great it was to see them, don't say you took it back and got something else instead. If they didn't come and you hate the gift, find something positive to say about it. Most of all, be sincere! Follow these rules, but be yourself, and mean what you say.

*Els, I got your thank you card back in the mail yesterday because I put the wrong zipcode (my old one) on it because I'm a struggler. Sorry. I love you. Watch your mail.

31 Days of Pumpkin: Days 1-10

2011-10-12T05:07:00.004-06:00

Hello, world! It's been a while, I know. But, don't worry, I came up with a plan to remedy my lack of blogging: 31 days of Pumpkin. I felt inspired by Julie and Julia and decided to make something using pumpkin every single day in October. Crazy? Perhaps. Or brilliant. Husband was super excited and we're not sick of it yet. So, here are days one through ten.

Day One: Pumpkin Pancakes

I thought these were a fail but Spence ate four. We were heading up to my family cabin for conference weekend so I was in a bit of a hurry. I used pumpkin pie filling in place of the oil with my pancake mix. It was like a pumpkin pie punch in the face. Too much. But, like I said, Spence ate four.

Day Two: Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

These are always a staple in the fall months. Just mix one spice cake mix and one 15 oz can of pumpkin, a cup of choc chips (or the whole bag....) and bake at 350 for 20 min. Voila!

Day Three: Pumpkin Chili

This is my fave recipe so far. It was super duper yummy. Totally going in the fall rotation. I used this recipe from (never home) maker. It made enough for left overs and I think I want them for dinner tonight. But what to make husband?

Day Four: Pumpkin Ice cream

I whipped this up the night before because the custard had to chill overnight. I was a little worried about how it would turn out because the consistency was a little lumpy...and I whisked my little arm off. BUT, Spence put it in the ice cream maker while I was in SLC at my doctor's appointment and by the time I got home, we had delicious, creamy, non-lumpy ice cream. I used this recipe from a Parisian man. It was yummy, but next time I will cut the ginger in half. It was a little overpowering for my taste.

Day Five: Pumpkin Cream Cheese Tarts

So, I used this recipe for pumpkin cream cheese wontons, but I'm trying to be frugal in this whole project, so, I had pie crust on hand and not wonton wrappers, so, I used my cookie cutters and made little pumpkins, filled them with the filling, and baked them. I also used a can of boiled sweetened condensed milk in lieu of melting down Kraft caramels. Again, frugality.

Day Six: Pumpkin Curry Soup

We both look forward to this every year. The recipe is from my very dear friend, Jerilynn, who just bought me a high heel tape dispenser that is adorable. Recipe goes like this:
2 Tbs butter
1 c onion
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1 1/2 tsp curry powder
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp salt
                                                         3 c chicken broth
                                                         15 oz or 1 can canned pumpkin
                                                       12 oz or 1 can evaporated milk
Melt the butter in a saucepan and add onion and garlic. Cook 2-3 min until tender. Add spices and cook one min. Add broth and pumpkin and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer 15-20 min. Stir in evaporated milk. *Transfer to a blender in batches and blend until smooth. *I puree the garlic and onion in a food processor before cooking them. (Still cook in the butter 1-2 min) This eliminates the need for the blender after, and I puree onions always for Spencer.

Day Seven: Pumpkin Blondies

These were yummy and easy to make. I followed this recipe from Sunny Side up in San Diego. The only issue I had was that even in a 9x13 pan, they were so thick they didn't cook all the way through. Next time, I'd either increase the cooking temperature or use two 8x10 pans. They were really good though, after zapping them in the microwave for a few seconds. The microwave cooks from the inside out, you see. A simple solution for done outsides and not done insides.

I had leftover pumpkin ice cream and caramel sauce on mine, trying to recreate the Blondie at Applebees but with a pumpkin flair. It was waaaaaaay too much. I ate like two bites.

Spencer was smarter and just had vanilla ice cream on top of his. I ate four bites of his.

Day Eight: Pumpkin Parfaits

These were fast and easy, which I needed since I was making pie pops for a birthday celebration as well. And dinner. You should've seen my [beautiful] kitchen. Three loads of dishes! Anyway, the recipe I used called for gingersnaps and whipped cream, but I had oreos and coolwhip. I didn't eat mine till the next day and the oreos had soaked up some of the pumpkin custard...oooh it was yummy.

Here are the pies on a stick. I tried to make leaf cut outs on the front of the chocolate cream ones, but the filling pooped out during baking. :(

The lemon meringue ones turned out cute though!

Day Nine: Pumpkin Buttons

This one I just made up. I cut some mini pumpkins from some leftover pie scraps and made your basic pumpkin pie filling. Then i put the button crust in the bottom of my mini muffin pan and then a dollop of filling and baked them for about 15 minutes. They weren't that pretty, but they were quite the hit with the fam.

Day Ten: Pumpkin Caramel Apples

I got this idea from Paper, Plate, and Plane, a blog I follow. Her recipe, however, didn't have any actual pumpkin in it. So, I made a pumpkin caramel sauce with a can of sweetened condensed milk, boiled, about two tablespoons pumpkin, and some cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves. I didn't have the cinnamon sticks for the stem though, so, lower cuteness factor. They were yummy. What's planned for Day 11, you ask? Pumpkin Snickerdoodles. More pumpkin, and blogging in general, to come. Stay tuned. Ps. Sorry about the formatting. It keeps overriding my HTML.

this is love

2011-09-23T22:48:00.014-06:00

Spence Here,

I woke up today and looked at the calendar. (the incredibly HOT pinup calendar Chels made me for our last anniversary) Today is the 1 year anniversary of the death of my grandfather. To say that my grandfather was a great man would be a tremendous understatement. My grandpa was the epitome of our greatest generation. A beloved family man/WWII badass! He is a true American hero and the greatest example of what a father and husband should be. Outside of my wife I can't think of someone who I am more proud to be associated with.

He was married to my grandmother for 65 years and he catered to her every need for all 65 of them. We always teased my grandma because she would have my grandpa do EVERYTHING for her :-) In his later years it got to where the roles were somewhat reversed and my grandma took care of his every need for the last ten years of his life. She cooked and cleaned and made special candy, just for him because he has diabetes. But still even in his latest years he would do everything that he could to show is wife how much he loved her. Every morning my grandma would go out for a morning walk with her friends. And every morning when she would come home, my grandpa would have her breakfast on the table waiting for her. He could hardly see anything, but he would always manage to have her breakfast ready, just the way she liked it. A few months before he died he was having some problems keeping weight on. The doctors thought that they might have to put in a feeding tube to help Grandpa get all of the nutrients he needed. My grandma was DEVASTATED. Their whole lives were based around eating together. She would fix him his special meals or they would go out to eat with her sister and her sister's husband. If Grandpa couldn't eat, when would they talk? What would they do? It was one of my greatest honors to give my grandfather and grandmother a priesthood blessing at that difficult time. I remember the overwhelming amount of love that poured out from my grandmother as I laid my hands on her head. And I could also feel how much love my grandpa had for her. When the blessing was over she stood up and gave me a big hug and told me that she knew everything was going to be okay. Grandpa promptly smacked her on the butt and told her that if she didn't cheer up, he was going to go and pull a switch from one of the trees out back and belt her with it. About a month later my grandpa fell while making his daily walk to the corner of the driveway and back. He broke his femur and needed surgery. He made it out of surgery but his body had a hard time recovering and it quickly became apparent that he wasn't going to make it. He died early in the morning on 09/23/10 with his darling wife and 5 girls all standing around him.

While I was driving into work today I was listening to my iPod. It's amazing how songs can conjure up so many memories and emotions. I can't tell you how many times I'm driving down the road and think, "This is a Jane song!" But that's an entirely different post :-) This morning I was listening to a song by Death Cab for Cutie called "What Sarah Said."

It took me back to 2008 when Chelsi was having a grand maul seizure every other week. I remember spending New Years in our apartment in Logan watching Carson Daily and a ball drop (O.C.) while Chels was out cold after having had a seizure that same day. That year, there was a seizure on Valentines Day, and Her birthday... I look back to those times and my heart sinks.

I remember one night she was struggling. She was SO discouraged and afraid. She was crying and crying about how hard it was, how she didn't know if she was every going to be normal, how she didn't know if she was ever going to be a mom. At the time I wasn't so sure myself. In fact I wasn't so sure she was even going to be alive if she kept having seizures at the rate she was having them. I later found out that I we shared this same unspoken fear. It was tough because she would have a seizure, and just when she was almost recovered, she would have another seizure. She went more than a year dealing with this. That night I did my best to talk her off the ledge. She was finished, ready to give up. She didn't know if she could do it anymore; neither did I. But I dug deep and told her that I KNEW she could do it. I KNEW that everything was going to be okay. We went to bed and later that night and I woke up to Chelsi having another seizure. I called 911, I did all of the things that I usually do. Get her dressed, explain to her over and over what happened, try and ask her questions to jump start her brain a little bit. The paramedics came and as soon as the ambulance drove away with Chels in the back... I broke down in tears. It was the LAST thing she needed.

Last night we watched Steel Magnolias... I know, don't give me Sh*t! Spoiler alert it's a sad show. If you haven't seen the movie, I suggest watching it. I couldn't help noticing a parallel between my sweet wife and Shelby(Julia Roberts). What would I have done If Chelsi's seizures never got better? If Chelsi couldn't have taken anymore? What if Chelsi DID get pregnant, had the baby, and then her lil body couldn't handle anymore? What if I were a single Dad? It has always been my greatest fear.

At my grandpa's viewing my grandma was a WRECK! When trying to comfort her, she looked at Chelsi and I and said, "I'm starting to wonder whether it was worth it... maybe I shouldn't have liked him so much. I know I'll see him again but I miss him right now!" I can't imagine how much I would miss Chelsi if she were gone. Just thinking about it upsets my stomach. I don't know if you can tell... but we're kinda close. Since January 18th, 2006, I don't think there has been a single night we've spent apart where Chelsi hasn't cried. I can't imagine what it will feel like in 60 years when Chelsi and I are where my grandparents were. I look at the way my grandpa loved his wife, I love my wife that way. I LIVE to serve her, just like my grandpa served his eternal sweetheart. As I reflect today about who my grandfather was, I hope that someday he can be as proud to be related to me as I am to him. I hope that I can live up to his example because he and my grandma are the embodiment of happily ever after.

I know boys don’t dream about Happily Ever After like girls do but we do think about having an awesome smokin hot wife and a perfect and happy life. But when we think of our happily ever afters, I think we all imagine all of the great times that are ahead of us. I found my Princess/Prince Charming, we're in love and nothing bad will ever happen... the end.

The truth is, life is HARD. The only thing that makes it easier is Love. In fact happily ever after is just true love. And love can be a million different things! Sometimes love is inspiration when things couldn't get any worse. Love is carrying her, when she no longer has the strength. Love is buying her flowers. Love is cleaning the house. Love is watching 2 football games back to back. Love is going to see the stupid movie. Love is completely disregarding YOUR wants and desires to afford the one you love the most all of THEIR wants and desires. Love is listening to his stories that you’ve heard a million times, and still laughing. Love is hanging up the clothes you’ve thrown on the floor of the closet in your man cave. Love is drawing her a hot bath and creating the proper ambiance for a good book. Love is putting the moves on HIM! Love is forgiveness. Love is being there during those most difficult moments. LOVE, is "What Sarah Said." "Love is watching someone die."

Rest in peace my beloved hero; I miss you. I love you my darling Angel! I promise that when you make that journey from one side of the vail to the other, I'll be the one holding your hand.

Disney Vogue

2011-08-30T01:24:00.000-06:00

I know I've been slacking this summer. Having to go to SLC twice a week makes my week pretty crazy trying to accomplish all I need to for work. So, blogging has sadly trickled to the last of my to do's. I have read eight books though, but that's another post.

I am obsessed with Pintrest right now. I'm learning all kinds of things. Like hair do's and stuff to do around my house. There are also less useful things though...like this: Illustrator Dante Tyler reimagines popular Disney princess as glamorized fashion icons, putting their likenesses into the covers of Vogue:

This one is my favorite. Fantastic! I would read this.

Sad. I'm not a fan of this one at all. He could've done my girl a lot better! Give her an article about being an animal rights activist or her relationship with her birth parents! That's be something to read.

I like this one. I'd tweak it to talk about her novel she just wrote about True Beauty.

I like this one. She should sell her dresses at discount though, to change the attitude of the kingdom.

Gr. I actually like this one. It fits her spoiled personality. :)

This one is my second favorite. Lovely.

I like the 7 men to 1. I'd read that. But she should give us some apple recipes.

This one is my third favorite. Go Tiana. I'd get rid of Naveen though, just sayin'.

Summer Lovin' with Lavender

2011-08-17T02:21:00.000-06:00

Aloha Chelsi & Spencer blog readers! I am so happy to be partnered up this week with Chelsi for the 9th Annual 20 Something Bloggers Blog Swap.

This summer for me has been filled with surfing, gardening, cooking, and lots of eating. Being a Hawaii resident, summer doesn't have quite the same feel as it did when growing up in Oregon. What I miss the most about mainland summers were those long days when the sun didn't set until 10pm. We don't have daylight savings here, so daylight tops out at 7pm. Enjoy those summer nights while you can!

Since I spent most of my summer in the kitchen and garden I developed a healthy obsession this season for lavender. That beautiful purple flower seems to be popping up everywhere. And it's lavender harvesting time, too.

Lavender crepe cakes, lavender infused vodka, lavender walnut scones, lavender ice cream, lavender lemonade, honey lavender creme brulee, and lavender bouquets are all filling my summer dreams.

Check out my Lavender Love board on Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/gedwards/lavender-love/

And have one of these for me:

Last-of-Summer Lavender Lemonade Cocktail

Infuse a fifth of your favorite vodka with 2 big sprigs of lavender by placing the lavender in the bottle and leaving it be for a week. Strain.

To 1.5 oz of vodka, add the juice of 1/2 a lemon and 1 TBL simple syrup. Pour over ice and add water until glass is full (use a cocktail glass that holds about 5 oz.)

Stir.

Add a sprig of lavender for garnish.

Sip away.

Reflect on your summer.

Relax under the soothing, warming purple glow.

Thanks for reading! Come check me out over at http://saturdayswithmaggy.blogspot.com/

Gwen

cool whip 2.0

2011-08-15T02:48:00.003-06:00

We went to a wedding of a childhood friend on Saturday night. The last time I saw her we were in the neurosurgery wing at the hospital both waiting to go under the knife. Last night, on her wedding day, we spoke briefly about how our surgeries had helped us and how we'd each prayed for and worried about the other. She looked so beautiful and so healthy. I sobbed while watching her dance with her husband and then her father I was so overcome with joy.

Then, while Spencer was chatting with a friend, I suddenly saw four of my legs. I took several deep breaths and willed myself to snap out of it, then, realizing it wasn't going to happen, tugged on his jacket saying, "Magnet! Magnet!" (He keeps my magnet when he's with me because I've lost two of them.) He calmly led me through the crowd and just outside the gate, telling me that it was going to be fine and instructing me to sing. The very bad, very long partial complex seizure didn't turn into a grand mal seizure but I was still humiliated. After I came out of it, a bridesmaid came out to see if I was okay and I just started crying. Spencer told her I was fine and she left without further questioning. Spencer said he was going to go retrieve my clutch and I asked him to please explain to the bride's brother why we were leaving so hastily. I made a beeline for the car, praying nobody would stop me and ask what was wrong. I felt like I was in high school. The worst part about it? I had just mustered up all of my courage and confronted an old friend and asked to get together in order for me to apologize for my part in the demise of our friendship. She doesn't understand my seizures or our "decision" to not get pregnant. I also think she believes I like the attention. She's not the only one who has said that to me. Trust me, it isn't worth it. Who likes to be the center of attention when their face is contorted in horror (probably crooked with Cerebral Palsy too) and they are white as a sheet and sweating profusely? Nobody. But, she will believe what she believes and I still plan on my apology. Still, I hope like hell she didn't see.

I was so upset last night. However, when we were home and I opened the pantry door to throw something away, something caught my eye-- a bag of Halloween marshmallows. Remember those? They made it through the move; so did the coolwhip. I have made several items requiring both since then, but I've just purchased alternates. I can't bring myself to throw them away or use them up. I suppose they will end up like the bottle of my great-grandmother's homemade chest rub that has been in my mother's fridge since I was born. (We recently confided in each other that sometimes we open it and smell it, just to be reminded of her.) Maybe one day I'll have to throw the rancid cool whip and rotted marshmallows away; but whenever I look at a container of cool whip, I will smile and think of my Daddy, no matter what kind of day it's been.

Playing in Polyvore

2011-08-04T16:56:00.001-06:00

More fashion, because I'm having a bad day and playing in Polyvore cures it. I really want this outfit:

Summer in Paris by chelsij630 featuring a striped shirt

Striped shirt
$30 - modcloth.com

Knee length pencil skirt
$53 - modcloth.com

Michael antonio shoes
$48 - endless.com

Cuff bracelet
£18 - ilovecutiepie.com

Bow-Accent Wide-Brim Hat
$36 - yesstyle.com

And this is for Natalie:

adventures in color blocking by chelsij630 featuring high heel shoes

Phase Eight v neck top
£28 - houseoffraser.co.uk

Wool pleated skirt
$40 - modcloth.com

ALDO high heel shoes
$26 - aldoshoes.com

Cara Accessories gold bangle
$32 - nordstrom.com

Wet Seal lace belt
$8.50 - wetseal.com

Forever21 wide belt
$7.80 - forever21.com

stila cosmetics - long wear liquid lip color
stilacosmetics.com

So, every time I clipped something to Polyvore it published it to my blog...that's annoying. Sorry for the feed overload. I must fix that.

fall fashion

2011-08-03T17:58:00.000-06:00

Can you feel the buzz in the air? Summer is almost over. It's almost fall. It was a short summer, wasn't it? Not that I mind. Why, you ask? Am I crazy? No. I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR. And haven't for the past five years. Gone are the days of cute little tank tops and jeans, of t-shirts and mini skirts, of sun-kissed shoulders and sundresses. Gone, gone, baby, gone. It is so hard to find modest summer clothing. Especially if you are not a T-shirt and jeans girl like me. I abhor T-shirts and jeans. Unless the T-shirt is embellished with sequins, ruffles, flowers, or has a super cute screen print on it...I aint wearin' it.

Also, it's official: I am not trendy anymore. And I'm okay with it. Stylish is better than trendy. But seriously...look at this crap:

The seventies are back and I am not happy about it. Crop tops, panchos and dolemans do NOT work for girls who are rollin' on dubs like I am. They only work on girls who look like teenage boys and don't wear bras. And then...I'm not even sure they work. The only trends I'm endorsing are color blocking and dressed-up shorts for evening:

But, alas, I can't wear them. Totally worth it, yes, but frustrating in summer months. But, never fear, my favorite season for fashion is upon us. Shabby Apple came out with a new collection today, Inca Trail. I keep telling myself we're so over after our fight about Dare to Design and the bad dress breakup...but they keep luring me back with empty promises. What if they really have changed?!

For instance, this dress, I think, would be amazing. Very figure flattering and it would match my eyes. I'm loving this print and color right now. I'm using it all over my house.

And ever since my sister Jess got a stunning cream dress for her wedding breakfast I've been itching to outdo her. (I can't. But this boat-necked tweed dress would be a runner-up.)

Speaking of seventies, this is how it's done:

Think of the twirling possibilities in this dress!! Ooooh....It wouldn't work on my body though.

So, this weekend we're going to a play and I think I'll wear the breakup dress but cinch it up with a belt. Maybe it deserves a second chance? I'm not good at playing hard to get.

I'll let you know how the date goes. If it works...perhaps I can convince my mom to get me the green dress. ;) Too bad she doesn't read this. Also, I need some new VS pink wear for my days at home. I only have two pairs that aren't three sizes too big and they're looking a bit shabby. (Go, me!) When is my birthday again?

when things that you can't do happen

2011-08-01T02:06:00.002-06:00

My nieces (and now nephews), as you know, are so adorable, but maybe you didn't know that they are also wise. Listen and learn:

Image of Miley's Inspirational Story

The faith of a child is amazing. A few days later my sister told me Miley did the same thing when she couldn't find her bubbles, then asked why Heavenly Father didn't help her find those too. Summer explained that you have to do all you can do as well as seek the Lord's help. She did and she found the bubbles. Later Miley explained to me that we have to work hard and do what Heavenly Father wants us to do and He will help us...when things that you can't do happen.

It was a lesson I needed to hear. You know what Satan hates? Progression. You know what he is? Sneaky. As most of you know, buying a home is a major step for us in further building our eternal family; the first one in adding to our family of three. The past few weeks, however blissful we've been in our lovely home, we have been short with each other, grumpy, and just a little off. It bothered me. I knew we were both a little overwhelmed with all of the new responsibilities but it was something we were fully prepared for, something we had wanted for so long. So why weren't we basking in the new sunlight of our life more than we were? Because Satan is sneaky! A few weeks after the move in we had a long talk about our bad attitudes and our "offness." We decided we would make an even stronger effort to do the "standards" which includes saying family prayers, reading our scriptures, speaking kindly, going to church, having family night, doing things to invite the Spirit of the Lord into our home and avoiding things to drive it away. I described this as a strategy to ward off Satan and show him that we're totally onto his sneaky plan. It worked, but I know he'll just come up with another one.

It can be said that the "standards" do not always work...at least not how we think they should. They don't always take our problems away; in fact, they seldom do. But what they do do is strengthen us and our individual relationship with our Father in Heaven. With God, all things are possible. God does not give us trials and take them away because we pray more, or study more, etc, but He does use our trials as an opportunity to strengthen us. He is our literal father, after all, and everyone knows a good parent does no good by bailing their child out all of the time. Perhaps, by letting us struggle, seemingly alone, He makes us stronger, better, more resilient, and more secure in our own faith in Him and His plan for us.

His plan has never been the same as mine for myself. Ever. But what it has been is better. Every single time. My plans totally suck. But His are awesome. Case in point: Spencer, the best man on earth vs. the man I was "supposed to marry" who may or may not be homeless or in jail. (Hopefully he isn't reading this...but if you are, get it together, man. You can have it all if you'd just take it.) Anyway, my point is, Satan will likely come up with many more plans to impede our progress and I'm anticipating the building of our eternal family to only get harder and harder, but when you do the standard things, you're more prepared when things don't go as planned. You're not as vulnerable. You're quicker on your feet. You're smarter. You're just better. Remember when I was a strange form of inactive? Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. The standards may not cure world hunger, but they matter. A lot.

Over the past year we've overcome almost all of the things I talked about in the Pretty Honest post, but now, we need to step it up, because Satan has. A lot of people get bogged down with the feeling that you can never be doing enough. I like to look at it this way, though-- when is it ever bad to better yourself? Never. You can love yourself and be happy with where you're at in life, while at the same time, always have goals to make yourself even better. After all, our end goal is to become the best we can be.

So, when things that you can't do happen, remember those standards. There's a reason we're taught them in Primary. And, like Miley, with each experience and trial, whether it's losing your flip flops or losing your temper, we can become better.

we're back, baby!!!

2011-07-12T22:39:00.000-06:00

Blogger was down when I made my last post, which was June 30, not June 13, btw. Was anyone else freaking out? Google really needs to get their act together. I updated Firefox and lost my toolbar. That was over a week ago and it's still not fixed. Being in the internet industry, I can say that is unacceptable; especially if you're Google. But I digress.

I'm back too. I had a grand mal seizure on July 3rd. Our anniversary was just too much excitement for me! ;) Spence booked the La Hacienda room at the Anniversary Inn. It was so fun. It totally reminded me of our hotel in Pheonix when we went with my family when we were engaged. It even had a hammock in the courtyard, just like the hotel. He wrote a story about Seniorita Chelsi the Vizcondesa de la Melocaton and Senior Spencer and he read it to me in the hammock. We ate Cafe Sabor and totally had a sword fight. AND he bought me this to wear:

I gave him a pin up calendar that I've been working on since November! Here are some viewable pics. ;) My friend Heidi took them for me and she is uh-mazing. She's getting her master's in photography at USU. If you want her contact info just let me know! She was so great to work with and made it so much fun. He absolutely loved it!

Anyway, it may have been all of the excitement, or because I had an infection and was on my period and I was tired. Either way, it wasn't fun. So, we spent our July 4th in bed. I forget how awful I feel for so long after a seizure, but luckily Spencer was able to take a few days off to take care of me. This every other month thing isn't fun, so we're going to see a new doctor. He's going to use biofeedback to retrain my brain to not seize. Click on the link if your curious about it because it's so hard to explain. :) I start my first session in a couple of weeks.

We decided to have our housewarming party despite the seizure. I was getting super depressed and needed something to look forward to. So, of course, my parents and Spencer took care of everything and the turn out was awesome! We had about 50 people there! So many people came that I haven't seen in years and a lot of people drove long distances. I am so incredibly blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. (And for those of you who weren't able to come, you're still amazing.)

So, now that we're all settled in, we're going to work on that video tour. In the meantime, though, I finally uploaded all of our anniversary videos to Vimeo. You can watch them at the new page I added, if you're so inclined: Chronicles of Spelsi.

things i didn't know

2011-06-30T23:53:00.000-06:00

Five years ago today I had no idea...

That my face could hurt from smiling
How silly we could be
The sacrifices we would make
What true forgiveness was
How sick I would get
How strong it would make us
How to decorate a cake
That I could ever be sad again
That you would understand
How fun dinner and a movie could be
How to golf, throw a ball, jump high, kick a ball, or bowl
The rules of baseball
That I could enjoy sports simply due to your excitement
How much I could love a furball
How apocalyptic three days of no communication would feel
How often I went over my minutes on my phone bill
About anything political
How good sex would be
How funny Anchorman is
How wonderful staying up all night talking would be
How horrible eleven days of no physical contact would be
How chubby I could be
That you could make me feel beautiful anyway
How poor we would be
That it was possible to be even happier than I was on my wedding day
How hard you are to buy clothes for
How cunning Satan can be
How powerful the Priesthood is
That we could talk with just a look
How big the world is
How selfless you are
That we could make each other better
How your family would become mine
How deep a love could grow
How fast you could fall asleep
That you liked Star Wars
How to get collar stains out
How to fold a fitted sheet
How good a PBJ is grilled
That I could cook
How to clip coupons
The miracles we would witness
How painful not being able to have children would be
How much I would grow up
That folk music was awesome
How deeply happy cuddling in bed with our little family could make me.
That reality would finally be better than my dreams
How many times we'd watch the entire series of the O.C.
That it wasn't just Happily Ever After, but Once Upon a Time as well
Just how wonderful life could be

Happy Anniversary to my One and Only.

guess what? (act suprised.)

2011-06-03T01:48:00.001-06:00

We bought a house!!!

We've been house hunting since January and have looked at over 50 houses. We've put in a few offers and lost, waited on a short sale, then saw this one and fell in love, and put in an offer. It had only been on the market 3 days. It's totally the one. I am so in love with it. It's in Clearfield by the new city building. We have hardwood floors, a window seat, new appliances, a deck, and a lilac bush. More pics or a video tour to come later.

sexy fail

2011-05-17T15:27:00.001-06:00

It was Spencer's birthday on Sunday. Much to my disappointment, I only had $30 to spend and I wanted to do something equal to my birthday present from him. That's a little hard to do for a boy, though, since something that would produce an equal reaction is some expensive little electronic or something. So, I thought I would do something sexy. I've always wanted to jump out of a cake. So that was my plan. I looked into renting pop out cakes, but they were about double my stupid budget. So, I decided to make one. It seemed simple enough...score some big boxes for free from a furniture store, wrap them, stack them, and decorate like a cake. So, I enlisted the help of my father for finding me two big boxes for my tiered cake. Being the man that he is, he just brought me one big refrigerator box. Seeing as he was so nice to help me, I didn't fuss. "Whatev," I thought. "I'll jump out of a box instead of a cake." So, I bought all of my supplies from the dollar store and suddenly the day was upon me.

I banished Spencer to our bedroom while I wrapped the giant box upstairs in our loft and decorated it. Then I got all sexified and through the door said, "I'll call when I want you to come upstairs."
"Okay," he said.

So, I go upstairs where despite the fans being on all day, it's already really hot. I proceed to climb onto the piano bench. (I had to crouch down on the piano bench inside of the box in order to be tall enough to jump OUT of the box.) Now came the difficult part. I tried a few times to lift the box over my head, but it was too big to get my arms around and also really heavy. I opted to put my torso into it as far as possible, use my body to lift the box into a vertical position, and THEN climb onto the bench whilst inside the box. It worked. But it wasn't easy. Once in the box I realized I was facing the wrong way and had to shimmy myself around the other direction. Then I took a breather. It was freaking hot in there.

Finally, I was ready. I'd been listening to Moulin Rouge and I was ready for my performance. "Okay," I shouted, "Come upstairs!" Nothing. "Honey!" I yelled and stamped my foot a few times, "Come up!" Nothing. Finally, I resorted to screaming. After ten minutes, or two sessions of my VNS going off, I started yelling for Belle, thinking that she would help me out...being a dog and all. Nothing. After another ten minutes I was really getting sweaty. Sweat was dripping off of me onto the piano bench and I could feel my once-perfect hair getting matted to my face and my makeup running. I decided I had to escape. He wasn't coming. But how? I tried to lift the box, but since the bottom was unreachable, it was to no avail. I tried screaming again, then realized my only option was to tip myself over and hope that I'd oriented myself so I wouldn't fall over the railing or down the stairs. So, I put my shoulder into the side of my box and tip I did. It hit the wall and broke a frame and I slinked out of my now-battered box utterly defeated. I stomped down the stairs and opened the bedroom door with a "what-the-hell" look on my face. There he was, watching the baseball game. And there she was, on her back, head in one of his arms and enjoying a tummy scratch. Furry little traitor. "Why didn't you come upstairs?!" I said.
"I was waiting for you to call," he said, holding up his phone.
"I meant I'd call FOR you," I said, "Not on the phone!"
"Well do you want to run back up there?"
"It's ruined," I whimpered, thinking of my broken box. At this point I burst into tears.
"Honey..." he said going in for a hug.
"No, no, no," I recoiled, "I'm all sweaty! I'm completely drenched in stupid sweat." So I sat on the floor in my teddy and cried. "I hate this birthday!" I said, "I wanted it to be as good as mine and it sucks! Happy Birthday, my ass!"
"Your ass looks good," he said. "Why don't you show me what's upstairs."
"I broke it," I said.
"Show me anyway," he persuaded me.

He was thrilled by my idea. I decided to muster up enough confidence, (fake it till you make it?) to have him put me in the ruined box, go downstairs, and come back up acting suprised when I popped out. I ran downstairs to sponge off and re-apply deodorant and perfume and fix my hair and makeup.

"How the hell did you get in here by yourself?" he asked while putting me in the box.
"It was hard."
"How did you get out?" he asked.
"I had to tip myself over."
"Oh honey..."

So, he went down and came back up. I popped out and did my routine and after, we laughed. He said that epic failures were just as good as epic successes in his book. And that is why I love him.

On a more successful note, this is the harmonica cake I made him:

The edges weren't as sharp as I would've liked, nor the color as gold, but more successful than the box. :)

may is better already

2011-05-10T03:48:00.003-06:00

I apologize for that dreary account of April. I felt very close to my Savior throughout all of the events that occurred, but it was a difficult month. However, I threw my temper tantrum, and now I'm ready to get back in the saddle.

Mother's Day is usually hard for me, but this year it was great. It made me realize just how lucky I am to have so many great friends and such a supportive family. My FIL and my friends Heidi and Kari all sent me texts to let me know they were thinking of me, and Lori wrote on my facebook wall. I can't tell you how much that warmed my little heart. I have truly amazing people in my life. I am so lucky!

Then, Shani sent me these pretty earrings in the mail:

And Belle made me this for Mother's Day:

A Cameo of ME!

There are many ways to my heart, but jewelry and kind words are two of them.

I made a similar bracelet for my MIL using this method and these silhouettes I made of my little nuggets (aren't they prec?):

Belle, Miley, Kate, J.D., McKahl, and Payton

My husband has, of course, been taking extra good care of me and I finally decided to create my online support group:

It is a private blog in the form of a support group for women dealing with infertility, premature birth, adoption, and other woes of the womb. And it might be the best idea I've ever had. It was scary at first, to open up to these women so completely, women whom I've known since elementary school even, but it has been so amazing! Yay for support groups and double yay for budding friendships!! If you or someone you know has a woe of the womb and would like to be in our group, just let me know.

As for our housing situation...I had a plan to tell you and it went like this:

A blog post titled: "We Bought a House!"
A picture of us jumping in front of said house.
Caption saying: "Surprise!"

However, that plan might be modified. We've been house-hunting since January. It's exhausting. We think we've found our house, but it's a short-sale. Our first offer fell through in March, so we prayed about it and decided to put in another offer. We're still waiting to hear on that second offer. We can't really do anything on any other properties till we hear on the short sale. So, we're kind of in limbo, prayin' and wishin' and hopin' and dreamin'. But it's super stressful. So, if you wouldn't mind, say a little prayer for us, that we might find the right house for our family, and soon. We'd really appreciate it. And for the record: You're amazing friends, and I love you. Like a lot.

the account of april

2011-05-04T17:29:00.000-06:00

It's May. I am sure many of you know this already, but here's the actual account of what went down. It started with a birth. Summer gave birth to a healthy baby BOY on April 11th. As you can see from this picture, I am still shocked that I have a nephew.

His name is JD and I heart him. We made his these onesies so he will be a cool baby:

Then, Belle turned four. We ate cupcakes and went to the Dog Park, but it was flooded. So, we just ate cupcakes and decorated Easter Eggs with Dane and Heidi.

On the 17th my Uncle Guy finally passed away. He was life-flighted to the hospital early in the morning and passed away just before 1:00. I didn't get there in time to say goodbye, but hopefully my goodbye in June sufficed. My dad is doing better than expected. My grandmother is struggling and is still pretty heartbroken and confused. Her Alzheimer's is getting worse due to the trauma of the event for her, but we all know that Uncle Guy is finally at peace after 46 years. The funeral was on Easter and it was beautiful.

My brother and new sister went through the Bountiful temple the Saturday before the funeral. It was freezing cold and absolutely perfect. I've never been so proud.

William and Kate got married and I watched it, but not at 2 am. She wore the exact dress I wanted her to (thanks, Kate) and I decided to add even more facinators to my collection. I will post more about that later.

Then my brother got married! I got no sleep the night before and woke up at 6 am, earlier than my own wedding day. I got my hair done by Heids, and looked pretty good if I don't say so myself. I finally got to wear this Adrianna Papell dress:

MOH by chelsij630 featuring adrianna papell evening dresses

We were running about half an hour late. For once, it wasn't my fault. Spencer dropped me off at the temple entrance, or so we thought. We've only been inside the SLC temple twice...on our wedding day and once on an anniversary. Anyway, he dropped me off at the wrong end so I ran about a block and a half in the above heels. I made it inside and gave the man my recommend, then proceeded to tumble down the stairs because my legs were so weak from running. I bruised my ankle like you wouldn't believe, my shoes flew off, and many family members saw my g's. I made it to the waiting room in one piece, but upon seeing my mother, immediately burst into tears and started hyperventilating. All the stress I'd been holding in just bubbled over. Luckily we still had about 20 minutes, so I took some time and counted to 40 three times, per Miley.

Spencer parked the car and made it in plenty of time. We watched the little ones make their covenants and it was a joyous occasion once again. Jess literally looked like an angel. She was crying really hard and my brother kept wiping her tears, then when they kissed she snotted all over him. It was the cutest thing ever. It was raining/snowing, so we only took a few pictures at the temple thinking we would get some at the reception. We didn't get any of me with the kids. The wedding breakfast went well and I made it through my speech. Then we set out on the journey back to my parents' house to change for the reception. We made me a little bed in the car so I could catch some sleep on the ride home. I'd just fallen asleep when panic struck. The last thing I remember was seeing three of my headrests and trying to scream. When I remember waking up we were back at my parents' house and Spencer and my brother were giving me a blessing. (In case you're slow, I had a grand mal seizure in the car.) Jess held my hand while I cried and dry heaved. We decided it was a bad idea for me to try and go to the wedding reception, so we medicated me and I slept. And cried.

There was no possibility that I could've gone. It would have been horrible. But, it was my little brother. I was the Maid of Honor. And I designed half the things there. I will get to see it in pictures, of course, but I missed my baby brother's wedding reception. I know, I know, I was there for the most important part, the rest doesn't matter...blah, blah blah. I am fully aware. But he's my brother. And I've been helping to plan the reception since December. And I missed it.

I'm afraid my seizures are getting worse. We're going to see yet another neurologist. Supposedly he has a 90% cure rate, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

Oh, and Bin Laden is dead!

In other news, we're moving in with my parents over Memorial Day because they raised our rent to $1000 a month and we refuse to pay that for, well...this. Who wants to trade lives?

button, button, who's got the button?

2011-04-29T01:16:00.001-06:00

Insomnia and anxiety have been high this week. I have been going to sleep at 5, 6, and 7 in the morning. It is 1:02 am on Friday. In one hour my DVR will begin recording "Live from the Royal Wedding." I keep telling myself that it will not help this sleep sitch if I stay up all night watching. It wont. Right?

So, in the meantime, check out this button bouquet from a girl named Tess via Dustin Izatt Photography. Apparently, she and her fiance like to antique shop. The bouquet is made of buttons she's collected as well as some from her mom and grandmother. It is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Exactly how many weddings could I have before it got tacky?

royal sketches

2011-04-23T01:14:00.000-06:00

It's been a crazy roller coaster two weeks. I will document them later. But, for now, a very light-hearted post.

How excited are we for the royal wedding? 10+? Me too. I remember watching re-runs of Diana's over and over. I looooved Diana. LOVED her. I cried at her memorials in London and Paris. I still think the queen had her killed.

Anyways, back to Wills, whom me and my friend Megan chased when his helicopter landed, ps. I am a big fan of this Kate character. I think she's a lot like Di, and so is William. Hopefully they can change what it means to be royal. They're getting married April 29th...a day before my brother. I'm going to DVR that sucker cause I'm sure I'll be busy. I already made Spencer watch the Lifetime movie, William and Kate, which is encoring today. So good.

And apparently, Project Runway designed some dresses for Kate to wear. You can tell the ones who actually thought about it from those who didn't. Some of them left me saying, "Really?" But some of them inspired me to combine graphic design with my fashion design sketches. Exciting.

These are my faves:

Fashionista meets Princess

I love the color on this, but I'm wondering if she's so over Royal Blue...Hopefully not, since that ring will be on her finger for a long time.

This is my favorite of them all, but maybe for a party dress. I definitely think there will be a ceremony dress and a reception dress AND a party dress.

This is also very classic yet mod, like Kate.

These two look so Fairy Princess to me...not Kate but I adore them.

This one is very classic yet modern...very Kate. I would love to see her in something this grand for the ceremony.

I love the detail of this, though it doesn't scream "one-of-a-kind"

Apparently, a replica of Diana's dress was available only SIX hours after the wedding. That was 30 years ago. I'll let you know how fast I get my replica of Kate's. :)

before your hands turned cold

2011-04-19T01:58:00.000-06:00

You died on a Sunday,
in the song of the rain.
The pavement was shiny,
my rushing in vain.

You left before I arrived.
And I felt myself fold
I wanted to see you
before your hands turned cold.

Your skin looked hard,
like green-yellow plastic.
Your tiny body was disturbing,
in a hospital bed so drastic.

A tear dripped down my cheek
as yours received my kiss, so controlled.
I didn't want to lose composure
before your hands turned cold.

Your head was so big;
your brain ever-growing,
and your limbs so small,
atop a tiny trunk eroding.

Atrophy couldn't get past that iron-clad safe,
The one in your mind where it could never take hold.
Your brain was a fortress,
before your hands turned cold.

The machines were silent with respect,
and your eyes didn't flutter like before.
The blankets didn't rhythmically move
And I'd thought I'd wanted to say no more.

I thought I'd said everything I wanted to say.
I thought no more thoughts could be told.
But I wanted to warm your heart
before your hands turned cold.

For Uncle Guy. January 26, 1965-April 17, 2011

dear bella

2011-04-13T03:52:00.001-06:00

Dear Bella,

I hope you don't mind that I write down in words how wonderful life is now that you're in the world.  ;)  

Muddy feet from Terrible Twos

You are four. My baby girl is four. I have to agree with my mom, that three has been my favorite age so far. Firstly, you're potty-trained and not so little that I worry endlessly about you getting hurt. I worry still, yes, but you're larger than a football. We're past the terrible twos (when you would run away every. single. day. and come home covered in cow poop.) You learn things so quickly and you mind so well. You make me proud of you every day. Daddy and I loved you at one, even more at two (despite your naughty streak), even more at three, and if it's possible to even fathom loving you more than we already do, then four will be a great year.

You're such a good girl. Every day you make me so grateful you're mine. Did you hear Gus's grandma tell me that I was a good mom? She said I was consistent, but very loving. I hope she is right, but mostly I think it is you just being such a good girl.

I love you for your sweet personality. I love that you know when I'm sick or even sad and you won't leave my side, even to go potty or eat. I love that you worry about me and take your job of protecting me when Daddy isn't home very seriously.

Belle and Harry the Hybrid

I love that you're not a morning person. I love that we cuddle every single morning. I love that wagging tail when I know it's time for morning cuddles, and that scowl when it's too early. I love that sometimes you go to bed without us, completely annoyed. I love that you fit perfectly in my lap and in the crook of my knee when I sleep. I love that you bring a toy to bed every night. I love that you sleep for 20 hours a day. I love that people never believe me after they meet you.

While Mommy works

I love that you don't like me to work past 6:00 and lay on my computer at 6:01 every day. I love how you snuggle my side while I work. I love that you know Grandpa's ringtone and wait at the door for him when he calls.

I love how you like your sweaters and your jackets and coats and don't like going out in the cold without them. I love the way you trot. I love your two pink paws. I love that they always smell like Cheetos and we don't know why.

I love how you tear dryer sheets to pieces. I love how you don't like it when Dad leans on the counter. I love how insane you get for treats. I love how you hold your kong in your paws. I love the sound of you eating. I love how you tear a piece of popcorn into three pieces and savor every bite.

Belle and Gus

I love your friendliness, your innocence and your submissiveness, even though it worries me to death. I love that you don't understand when another animal doesn't want to play. I love that you love people. I love how happy you are when we come home, even if it's been only 10 minutes.

I love that you love new toys and can play by yourself for hours. I love that you know the names of your toys. I love how fast you can run. I love how high you can jump. I love when you run laps around Dad when he chases you. I love the look you give me when I throw a toy not nearly as good as Daddy. I love that you come to me for "base" when you and Daddy play. I love that I'm your comforter...because you are mine.

I love that you're not just my puppy, you're my baby, and I love that we're not just your owners, we're Momma and Daddy. Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. You are the most-loved puppy on the planet.

Love,
Momma and Daddy

how to style lace modestly and fashionably

2011-04-13T02:52:00.001-06:00

Okay, so remember my post about fashion overkill? I'm doing another one. Why? Today I headed over to the mall for some retail therapy and saw this:

Oh the horror. Yeah, I took them with my phone. Don't worry, they didn't see. She was over 40. Her poor daughter. (*Notice her cute daughter in jeans and a sexy I <3 pink off-the-shoulder sweatshirt, flats, and a watch.) The point I'd like to make, though, is nobody that should dress like that, no matter how young they are. This is what her outfit looked like:

40+ faux pas by chelsij630 featuring vintage jewelry

Okay so, she's probably trying to style the lace dress (which is a size or two too big) modestly. I get that, as a modest mormon girl. But generally I stick to the rule that If I have to wear more than two layers, I shouldn't buy it and it would've been cute in high school. So, here's how it should've been done:

how to wear this dress modestly and fashionably by chelsij630 featuring moonstone earrings

Tip one: Mix up your textures. Put a leather jacket over the lace dress. Not a lace shirt under the lace dress.
Tip two: The dress is long enough (to the knee). Leggings not required. But if they were, it would break my rule. No more than two layers.
Tip three: Color. Change it. Add a pop of color with a belt or fun shoes.
Tip four: Simplify your accessories. This lady had on a gaudy necklace. The simple bike pendant necklace would work well on the dress but without the jacket. If you really need accessories, put on a belt under the open jacket and wear some coordinating shoes and earrings.

Next case.
The above fashion victim was carrying a bag from Bohme Boutique. So was this next fashion victim. And they weren't walking together. I'm blaming the boutique. I couldn't snap a pic, but this is an almost perfect rendition of the outfit:

Over 50 Faux Pas by chelsij630 featuring a lace sweater

And yes, all layers are worn at one time. The flower goes in her hair, and she's not 5. She's above 60.
She, like the woman above is probably trying to style the shirt modestly. This is how it should be done:

how to style a complex shirt by chelsij630 featuring a cropped jacket

Tip One: No rhinestones on jeans after 18. Period.
Tip Two: Simplify. Pick a no bells and whistles (PLAIN) jacket to cover your arms in a solid color.
Tip Three: One need not wear a shirt under a shirt and another shirt over the two shirts....ever.
Tip Four: Wear simple shoes. No boots. Boots are too much for the shirt. The simpler, the better.
Tip Five: You cannot wear a necklace with this shirt. You can't. Settle for simple pearl studs so your shirt gets all the attention.
Tip Six: No flowers that could interchange with a baby's headband belong in a grown woman's hair. Class it up with a fascinator or something. However, when you've got that much going on in an outfit, just leave the hair out of it. Headwear goes with very simple outfits.
Tip Six: If it's the ruffled cardi you're wanting to feature, stick it over a plain cream top. Then, choose boots and no necklace OR necklace and heels.

Ta Da!!!

and the award for best shower goes to...

2011-04-11T17:33:00.000-06:00

Warning: This is a picture-filled brag post. But I worked REALLY hard.

Me. Mom and I threw a bridal shower for my new sister-in-law on Friday. It was a movie-themed shower. I sent out invitations like this:

With little inserts like this:

As she opened presents we made her guess the movie. She got Maid in Manhattan right, but in her defense, I was really stretching on some of them. For a list, e-mail me.

My movie, of course, was Lady and the Tramp. I bought her this Lady-like but mostly trampy apron in blue polka dot from VS. I just try not to think about her and my brother.

I made cake pop popcorn favors like this:

We made Paparazzi Pulled Pork sandwiches:

Diva Deviled Eggs:

Golden Globes Grape Salad:

a Stay-Skinny Veggie Tray:

White Chocolate Popcorn:

And, of course, Red Carpet Cake:

Which just happened to be a replica of her dress:

I know the shape is fuller, but I couldn't feed 30 people with her skinny little body.

Here was the table:

I hung "stills" up to dry:

And played their "movie" in the background:

We had a Red Carpet:

And we made her wear these way fetch celebish Bride to Be glasses:

(All the pics my mom took are blurry, which is why there aren't any of the actual shower. :) She forgets to hold down the button.)

My little brother was THRILLED, which was my entire objective. He even sent me a text that night thanking me for everything. So...it was a success. Love you Jess!

VNS: Changing Lives, One Shock at a Time

2011-04-10T02:18:00.002-06:00

Two years ago today a little three inch device saved my life. I had my VNS surgery on April 10, 2009. Last year I wrote this, and it still says it best:

one year ago

One year ago my life changed forever. In 2007 I had a seizure on every single holiday and every two weeks, and several small, or partial complex seizures every day. We decided to take drastic action and began the process to have a Vagus Nerve Stimulator or VNS implanted.

From the website:
Seizures occur when there is a sudden malfunction or “short circuit” in the nerves that carry electrical signals from the brain to the body. Depending on the location of this abnormal electrical activity within the brain, different physical symptoms can occur. (Learn more about seizure disorders.)

The VNS Therapy System works like a pacemaker to help control these electrical signals. The VNS Therapy generator is implanted just under the skin in the upper chest. Two thin, flexible wires are attached to the left vagus nerve in the neck.

The generator sends small electrical pulses to the vagus nerve, which then delivers the pulses to the brain. This gentle stimulation helps to prevent the electrical irregularities within the brain that cause seizures. Click here to learn more about the VNS Therapy System implant procedure.

Two years ago, I wrote this:

The procedure is a simple outpatient procedure and it will happen April 10th at 9 am. After that, my life will change. It has to. All of my eggs are in this basket and it has to work. I'm out of options, out of patience, and out of fight. This HAS to work.

Well guess what? It did. My surgery went very well, and I had the support of many wonderful friends and family. Since my surgery, my seizures have decreased by 79.4% monthly!! When I have a partial complex or small seizure, it's considered a bad day, not a several-times-a-day occurrence. I went a whole year being seizure-free, an amazing accomplishment. I had a breakthrough seizure in September, which led to others in November and January. (Your brain actually gets used to seizing or not seizing.) But we made it through March! And we're going to make it through April, clear until January 2013! That's my goal, TWO years seizure free!

This chart shows the correlation between the frequency of my VNS, which is slowly turned up after surgery, and the decrease of my seizures. As you can see, once I hit a frequency of two jigawatts, my seizures decreased substantially. Most patients see the most benefits at a frequency of two, but after my breakthrough seizures, we turned it up to 2.5. The side effects compared to my drugs, (which I still take) are so mild they can't even be considered side effects. Every four-and-a-half minutes my VNS delivers a charge to my vagus nerve and my voice goes hoarse for 30 seconds. Talk about bearable. And as my brain continues to get used to NOT having seizures...it's only going to get better.

In the past few months, my energy has increased, I have been able to work more, I have been able to exercise again, and I feel like I have control again. Epilepsy once stole my life, but thanks to the VNS, I'm slowly taking it back.

husbands and beauty

2011-04-09T17:01:00.001-06:00

I had a conversation today with the women in my family about painful things we do to enhance our beauty; botox and collagen injections, ear piercing, tattooed eyeliner and eyebrows, fake eyelashes. My grandma said she really wanted collagen injections to make her lips bigger. "I've always had thin lips," she said. I remembered the last time I saw her, my lips were swollen from allergies and she said, "Oh! Your grandpa would like it if that happened to me. He likes big lips." I made the connection.

Beauty is about confidence, but it's also about approval. And whose approval do we seek most? Our spouse's. I started thinking if there was anything I knew Spencer liked that I didn't have. I couldn't think of anything, but all of my other boyfriends were obsessed with my eyes. OBSESSED. Spencer likes them and thinks they're beautiful, but he doesn't have the same obsession. (I think it's because he is color blind and can't see green...haha) Anyway, it bothers me a little. Is that why I'm suddenly interested in Latisse?

I thought of some other things too. I don't cut or dye my hair because Spencer likes it long and blonde, but so do I. If he liked short dark hair, would I cut it and dye it for him? Would I feel beautiful when I looked in the mirror or only when he looked at me?

There is definitely what I call a Shrek and Fiona effect. Shrek made Fiona feel beautiful as an Ogere because he liked her better that way....not just because he loved her anyway. I lament about my curves sometimes and Spencer tells me he isn't attracted to stick figures and 12-year-old boy bodies. He likes a woman with boobs and hips and a booty. And I believe him. And now, I don't lament much over my curves...I'm even starting to think they're beatiful too. Now, he may be straight-up lying to me...but it works.

Spencer also told me once that he "liked my long, graceful neck." Do I wear my hair up more often? Yep.

We all want to be trophy wives. What do you do to be attractive to your spouse? What do you do to be attractive to yourself? Which percent is higher? I think mine is about 40/60. It might even out if he tells me something new. Speaking of trophy wives, these are actual trophies you can have custom ordered from trophywivestrophies.com

puppy love

2011-04-05T01:30:00.001-06:00

I just got out of the shower and walked into the bedroom to see this:

Tell me that isn't the cutest damn thing you've ever seen. April is a busy month. My niece is turning five this week, in six days I will have a new nephew or niece, it is my new sister-in-law's birthday on the 22nd, my brother is getting married on the 30th (aka the biggest event EVER in the entire history of man, which means another month full of showers and pictures and designing and shopping and planning and...and...and) and Belle will be four on the 13th.

I have no idea what to do for her. She isn't having a birthday party this year. We decided it would be polite to only ask family to humor us every other year. She has so many toys that I've started throwing away ones she doesn't play with just to make room in her toy basket. What do you get the puppy who has everything? She certainly doesn't need anything... Other than a new bed for the inside of her kennel, but we're sticking to our guns on that. (She ripped up a memory foam bed in a tantrum, so we told her if she ripped up a new bed, we wouldn't get her a new one and she'd have nothing to lay on. She threw a few more fits and tore the bed to shreds. Her kennel is empty now.) What is a crazy dogmom to do? Other dogmoms, any ideas?

I thought about taking the day off work and doing things Belle wants to do, like go to the park, pick out a toy at Petsmart, take a nap, etc. She's having a hard time with me working lately. However, her birthday is on a Wednesday and I can't drive, and there's no parks within walking distance, and I could walk to Petsmart....but it would take a while. And neither of us like THAT long of a walk. If only we lived in Logan and not the ghetto. Sigh. Then I thought that we could celebrate the weekend of her birthday...but that is the only free day this entire month I have to clean my house. So, ignore the dust bunnies and clean...or celebrate turning four? I think we all know the answer.

sweet things

2011-04-02T02:52:00.000-06:00

I'm getting ready to do some major baking. Bridal shower, birthday, Easter...oh my. I was browsing Modcloth the other day for some affordable vintage bikinis, (none found there, but I found some others I'll show you later) and I found these sweet measuring cups and spoons.

Aren't they cute? It makes me want to open my own bakery and decorate it in all shades of pink. Alas, I couldn't handle the stress of a bakery. I'd be seizing all over the place. I am actually really liking how i make cake is going. I had three orders in January! I'm getting e-mails and calls from all over the country...at least five a month. It makes me wish I could figure out a way to ship my cakes. Bakerella says you can ship cake pops...but I'd have to insure them, keep them cool, and make it affordable. We can't really figure out all of the logistics of that yet. It may be a future venture. So might this:

Alice In Wonderland necklace, also from Modcloth. Isn't it prec? That's why it's sold out, and totally overpriced.

Pictures of culinary creations to come soon.

dear friends

2011-03-28T01:36:00.002-06:00

So I'm 27. That sucks. I was thinking about this last night, about when birthdays started becoming negative things. When did I want to stop my clock? When did I become an old person? I always think I'm 22. That was a good year. But I think my first hard birthday was 25. My parents got me when my mom was 25 so that was my plan too. When 25 hit we had no baby, no job, no house, and no money. Not really my plan. What did husband do? Oh, nothin'....he just wrote me a song!! Cause he's the best husband ever. And he's really good at making sucky things totally rad. On my birthday we went to Sonora Grill with our family. It was our first time there and it was super yummy. Afterward, we went and saw Red Riding Hood, per my request. It was so stupid, it was awesome. We were laughing the whole time. I felt like I was watching a Scary Movie. Then we went and got cupcakes at The Sweet Tooth Fairy, a new bakery in Layton. We had a bite of each. The consensus was that they were SUPER dry and had way too much frosting that appeared fluffy, but was not. Two thumbs down.


Peanut butter, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Cheesecake, Raspberry Lemonade, Chocolate Sundae, and Grasshopper

Despite the lame cupcakes, it was a perfect birthday. Guess what I got this year? (Most of you know because you contributed. And for that you are AWESOME! I love you.) I got this:

It is an album titled "Dear Chelsi." It is a compilation of letters from dear friends of mine, past and present, wishing me a happy day, telling me why I'm loved, and recalling memories. How hard did I cry? Hard. I made several awful faces whilst reading the letters because there were a lot of laughing/crying combos. Not pretty. It's on film and I must destroy it.

The album is not just letters, either. Spence designed postcards for people to write on! Complete with stamps and addresses and everything. Then he mailed each person a postcard to hand-write their messages on, complete with a self-addressed stamped envelope. They all went to my sister's house. THEN he put them all in a scrapbook album, on actual paper (that matched my gift bag and tissue paper AND the embossing on the album!), inside of little flippable pockets...with EYELETS! He must be paying more attention than previously thought when I scrapbook. It is beautiful.

He worked so hard. He even got two of my ex-boyfriends to contribute. Now that is an accomplishment. (He actually apologized for not being able to find Colby. Don't apologize honey, the CIA probably couldn't find Colby.) I could not believe some of the people he found to contribute! Some were people I haven't seen for AT LEAST five years, and it was sooo good to "connect" with them other than Facebook stalking. In all, I got 45 letters. He said only five people didn't respond. I can't tell you how loved that made me feel. If you contributed, thank you. I will cherish your words forever.

And to my husband, thank you. I may need a third job to save up enough money for something equally spectacular (but in a non-sentimental practical way) for your birthday in May. :D I love you.

baby-starved wingnuts

2011-03-26T02:48:00.003-06:00

Tonight a friend told us she's seriously contemplated getting knocked up on our behalf a number of times. Then she told us she was dating Orel Hershiser's son and I think Spencer got a little too serious about it. :) Apparently Orel is a better pitcher than Kurt Shilling. Spencer's head exploded at the thought that Cru could have the bloodline of THE BEST PITCHER EVER. Don't worry, we ended the convo explaining how sex before marriage ruins everything and creates feelings that don't belong outside of a life-long or eternal commitment. But if they get married... Just kidding. Kind of.

We really are baby-starved wingnuts. It's such a weird position to be in. You see the world differently. Mostly because it's all you think about. Last night we Redboxed "The Switch" with Jason Batmen and Jenn Anisten. SUCH a good show. But at the end I freaked out and started asking questions like "How much is nurture and how much is nature?! What if our kids and are nothing like us and they HATE us? Like what if they're a math genius and think we're the dumbest people ever?" Though, to my defense, I was on Ativan when I freaked out. Ask Spencer to tell you about the miracle we witnessed last night. It needs it's own post.

A few days ago, my good friend Kari, sent me to the blog, Bloom, where a woman shared her adoption story. I asked the woman a question and tonight Kari sent me this e-mail.

I just went over to that Bloom post and read your comment. When you asked about an open or closed adoption, it made me think of No Biggie. Do you read that blog? She has two kids: one biological and one adopted. It was also an open adoption, which you don't hear of often (well, I don't). She has written a few blog posts about her experience, so I went to the blog and clicked on the Adoption tag, so here's the link that takes you to all the adoption posts if you're interested: http://www.nobiggie.net/category/adoption

I read all of the blogs. This first picture ripped my heart right out. It's like a mixture of feeling so sad and soooooo grateful for what my birthmom did, and anticipation, nervousness, sadness and gratefulness for what our future birthmom will do.

Mom and Dad on the left, Birthmom on the right

I physically cannot hold it together when I look at that picture. Their faces! Oh it is so beautiful. Yet so painful. Adoption, I think, is full of contradicting feelings.

Like Kari said, No Biggie had an open adoption. Like they celebrate Mother's Day with her and stuff. Open adoptions are really foreign to me, and therefore scary. I think it would be weird to know my birthmom. Kind of like a divorce situation. But from what I've read they're more of a special friend or aunt. Still, it scares me. I'm a very territorial person. Crazy jealous. I think I'd have a hard time with it not being MY baby all of the time. Like she said over at No Biggie, it might help me. But I don't want to be helped. Sigh.

If we have to do an open adoption, I don't know how much contact I want after the birth. I want it to wean off. I just never want to confuse my kids or make them feel different. But obviously I want them to be able to ask questions and me have the answers. My parents never met my birthmom...and I wish I knew what she was like. I'd like to meet her now, to thank her and see our similarities, if any. But I don't think I'd want her to be a part of my life. That's why I want to meet our birthmom and get to know her and have pictures and letters for my kids. I'd like to know her name if they ever want to find her...but that's it. I don't know. Obviously I want whatever is best for my kids, but being an adopted child, I think that would've been the best scenario in my situation.

In the end it won't matter. I will do whatever it is that the Lord wants me to do. I can't wait. I can't wait till I have a baby sucking on my shoulder and cooing and laughing and screaming and crying. I can't wait till I'm covered in poop and pee and throw up and love. I can't wait for blow outs and blowing bubbles, for bath time and meal time and play time and tummy time. I can't wait to see my son or daughter with Belle. I can't wait for their first night, first word, first food, first step. I cannot wait to have all of those special experiences. The normal ones, AND the ones that come with adoption. I still remember the day we were called about getting my brother and the day when he was sealed to us and I was only three. Those experiences are amazing. And to recieve such an amazing gift from someone....ooh! That's why that picture just made my heart explode. How will I ever be able to thank her enough? But if I feel that way...then wouldn't I want her to be part of my life? Like I said, I think adoption is full of conflicting feelings.

I found this the other day and was dangerously close to buying it. Patience is not my virtue.

We're still working on some things to be able to start the process. The goal is still by the end of this year. But, I think it's gonna be a goooooood year. *Insert music here.*

this is my mixtape for her...

2011-03-17T08:16:00.015-06:00

Spence here,

So as a lot of you may know today is Chels’s Birthday. And like in years past, today I planned on writing a post GUSHING about how amazing my little wifey is... but instead, this year I’m going to use the words of others to help express the love I have for my girl.

One of my jobs on the blog, in addition to being the bearer of bad news, is to be the DJ. I have been a music enthusiast for as long as I can remember. Country, Rap, Punk, Folk, Oldies… I can get down to anything. One of Chelsi’s favorite things is to hear me rap. B.I.G P.O.P.P.A…

As the official Blog DJ, I try and find songs that express things about Chelsi and I, and our relationship. The current playlist is a greatest hits version. Each song has its special meaning to us… either a story, or a feeling, or a declaration of hope and love between the two of us. Babe, I made this mixtape for you…

Track List

1) To You -Mason Jennings -This song is about destiny. Chelsi and I are both romantics at heart. We honestly feel that we are among the lucky people who were destined to find their one true match. There were some close calls, but both of us finally found our way home. Many of you don’t know this but my parents, and Chelsi’s parents have known each other since before we were born. When we were both in strollers our mom’s crossed paths at the mall one day and had a little chat. So THAT was the actual first time that Chelsi and I met. “I’ve spent my life tryin to get back home to you.”

2) I'll Follow You Into the Dark -Death Cab for Cutie -This song was actually Chelsi’s ringtone way back when we were just friends. I don’t know why I picked it back then other than I knew from the moment I met her that she was going to be an eternal friend. Seriously, from moment I met her that there was nothing that I wouldn’t have done for her. I guess it’s just proof that it has always been Chelsi… I just had to figure it out… and then convince HER.

3) Remember to Breathe- Dashboard Confessional -When I asked Chelsi out on New Years Eve 2005, for some reason it felt SO different. We’d been out before, but just as friends. For some reason on this night I was all nerved up!... What do I wear? “Sneakers or flip-flops?” was an actual thought. (Flip-Flops of coarse but it WAS December) Midnight struck and in the rain, under fireworks… Just breathe… and kiss her.

4) I’ll Catch You -The Get Up Kids -It didn’t take long after New Years for Chels and I to realize that we were in love. We were in a booth at El Matador when we both realized; “She/He’s the one!” Afterward, I was elated but Chels was kind of freaked out. It’s safe to say those emotions came out of left field for her and she was torn between loyalties to a friend, and her destiny. I have always been able to tell when something was up with Chelsi and sensing her fears; I held her in my arms and sang this song to her.

5) Beauty -The Shivers -Chelsi once wrote a poem about love and this song reminds me of that poem. Chelsi is so beautiful because she loves harder, and with more passion, than anyone I’ve ever known. She has taught me so much about love, I feel like all of my previous notions of the word are invalid. She taught me how to love.

6) La La Land -Jackpot -One time in like our second year of marriage, I called Chelsi at work and told her that I had a BIG surprise for her when she got home. She of coarse assumed that it was some romantic dinner or date or something. When she walked in I gave her a “Tada!” A brand new 42” plasma screen TV… where’d the money come from?… Student loan! I learned a great lesson that day. Big purchases need to be discussed. Chels and I laugh at this song because it describes us to a tee!

7) This is For Keeps -The Spill Canvas -I had to show Chelsi the album copyright date just to prove that this song was NOT inspired by Twilight. I like this song because it describes how eternally, Chels and I will live our infallible love. Chelsi likes it because it reminds her of Edward ;-)

8)Fighter Girl -Mason Jennings -All of you guys know about my little fighter girl.

9) In My Time of Need -Ryan Adams -All marriages are subject their own tough times and battles. In our marriage, the key to enduring those times was the knowledge that when there was nothing else, we still had each other. Back when Chels was seizing every other week, she would look at me with tear filled eyes and wonder if it was ever going to get better. When there was nothing more I could do, I’d hold her really tight, look her straight in the eyes, and promise her a little rain’s gonna come.

10) Sorry Signs on Cash Machines -Ben Kweller -This Song is BK covering a Mason Jennings song. The only thing better than that is Mason covering Bob Dylan. I graduated school in 2009 in the midst of a CRAPPY job market. We always had dreams that I would graduate and get an amazing job and we’d buy a house and get a baby… but it wasn’t working out as fast as we would like. But even with no money and too many detours, my angel gave me the inspiration to never give up.

11) Desire -Ryan Adams -Chels and I often slow dance, just in our room. We’ll be listening to the iPod and a song comes on… This is one of the songs that we often dance to. This song is the musical equivalent to the feeling I get when I look into her eyes when we are dancing.

12) Ballad of Paul and Sheila -Mason Jennings -Some of you might wonder why my blogger name is Mr. Senator. My BF Devin nicknamed me that when we were fresh out of high school because I was always getting into political battles. This song is about a Senator from MN who died along with his wife in a plane crash… But it reminds me of Chels and I.

13) Endlessly -Green River Ordinance -Simply… She is the cheese to my Macaroni.

14) If You Aint Got Love -Mason Jennings -Before Chelsi, I was riddled with self-doubt. As far back as I can remember, I had always been cursed with the idea that I was “not as…” Not as good as, not as smart as, not as assertive as… you get the picture. There’s a verse in this song that describes the way She lives, and everything she has taught me. “At a little wooden cabin, up in northern Minnesota, we ran together down to the docks and you jumped right off it. And from out in the water, you called me to join you. And I said “Baby I cannot swim if I jump I’ll surely drown you.” She said “Life has no limits, if you’re not afraid to get in it.” Oh, baby I jumped to you. Since then there’s nothing I can’t do. I’m never gonna give you up. What do you got if you aint got love.” Chels, I’m so glad I jumped to you.

Angel Girl, I love you more and more with each passing minute. You are my everything… I happy Birthday Bug

nightmares

2011-03-16T02:08:00.000-06:00

Last night I had a horrible nightmare. I was driving in the car with my dad and had a partial complex seizure. I was able to put my foot on the brake and turn on my hazards, but we got in a wreck since I couldn't pull over and I just stopped. My dad has never witnessed a partial complex seizure before and he thought I was just insane. I wrecked his truck and he thought I'd just gotten scared, not having driven for so long, and stopped in the middle of traffic. He was so furious with me and didn't believe me and neither did anyone in my family. It was awful.

I've described a PC before on the blog, but in case you need a refresher, it feels like someone cut the cord from my brain to my body. I'm fully aware of what's happening, but I can't make my body do what I tell it to do. If it happens while I'm typing, I can't type real words. If it happens when I'm speaking, I can't speak sensibly. If it happens while I'm reading, I can't read. You get the picture. Usually it happens a lot during or around my period. It begins with a dropping feeling in my stomach and then a loss of function and a panicking feeling. Spencer recognizes when it's happening and to calm me down and try to activate both sides of my brain, we sing "I am a Child of God." Sometimes I can sing, but most of the time I just make noises. I can think though, and my mind is racing with thoughts like, "Sing, Chelsi! Just sing!" or "Breathe, Chelsi...breathe" or "Please don't have a grand mal. Please don't have a grand mal." (PCs feel just like my aura or warning before a grand mal, or typical large epileptic seizure.)

Nobody has ever seen me have a PC before except Spencer. (My brother and sister-in-law and nieces were present for one, but we were in the car, so they didn't actually watch it. They all helped sing though. Our friends Dane and Heidi were also present for one, but they politely left the room and prayed while Spencer stayed with me. <3) I don't think my parents would recognize one. (I don't think they would be mad at me or not believe me either though.) Spencer knows them well. He recognizes "the look." He says my eyes get huge and I have a look of sheer panic on my face.

A few weeks ago, we saw that face on TV. News anchor Serene Branson was covering the Grammy's and suddenly started talking gibberish. It was first speculated that she was nervous, then that she had a stroke. When Spence and I saw it, we both said, "Oh my gosh! She's having a partial complex seizure!"

Serene never came out and said she had a PC like fellow anchor, Sarah Carlson did, but whether it was a seizure, stroke, or migraine, the poor girl looks terrified. So, friends, this is what a partial complex seizure looks like.

What should you do if someone has a PC? Try and keep them calm, especially afterward. Time the episode with your watch. Afterward, they will likely be completely fine and normal, but may be tired or have a headache. Suggest they see a doctor if it's never happened before. Don't let them drive home. Remember that they may not remember events immediately before or after the event and that is normal. Afterward, they will likely be really embarrassed. Like really, super embarrassed...so keep it cool. Yay for awareness!

that could've been my baby

2011-03-10T01:58:00.002-07:00

I told Spencer that I didn't feel politically educated enough to write this post. He said to just write what is in my heart...so here it is.

If you're in the mood for something light...maybe skip this. I'm going to talk about adoption (finally, yet not as personally as I'd planned) Planned Parenthood, and abortion.   To ease you into it, here is a clip from one of my favorite shows ever, Juno. I hope that our birth mother is just like her.

I've wanted some things in my life. I've experienced pain in my life. But no feeling has ever been equal to my desire for children and the pain that comes from not being able to create one and all that comes with that. I find myself mesmerized with children; loving every single one I see, imagining the day I finally meet mine. I have a love so intense it is indescribable for someone who might not even exist yet! I've never been so passionate about anything in my entire life. And I am a passionate person. Sometimes I feel on the verge of combustion. Adoption is my saving grace. It is the only thing that keeps me sane, gives me hope. Adoption is without a doubt a miraculous thing. I cannot imagine the pain that my birth mother went through in placing me for adoption. Adoption is a selfless act. I think that when you get pregnant, you turn into someone else...someone who only cares about your baby and not yourself...someone selfless.

Or...

In 2009 Planned Parenthood performed 332,278 abortions and 977 adoption referrals. That means over 340 babies were killed for every one placed for adoption. 332, 278 babies were killed. Only 977 were given a chance at a life. Only 977 women like me were lucky.

Planned Parenthood does good things too. They offer birth control, they teach about safe sex, they offer health clinics, they help people who cannot afford alternative health care. But, they cover up sex trafficking and murder babies too. People need to quit worrying about gay marriage and start worrying about an essential genocide. This is the US and we have freedoms. I support that. But we are not free to commit crimes without punishment and I believe abortion is a crime. Our tax money, especially MY tax money, should NOT support criminal activity and I fully support the withdrawal of federal funding.

I am pro-life. I believe that life starts at conception and that abortion is murder. I support the laws that charge criminals for a double homicide if the woman is pregnant, or murder if a fetus is aborted as a result of a crime. In high school we studied the pro-choice view for a week and pro-life view for a week. We watched an ultrasound of a baby being aborted. It was so horrific that I will never be able to erase it from my mind. The baby actually cringed away from the hook. (In some methods of abortion, a hook is used to cut up the fetus, then it is vacuumed out.) What is the difference between a woman throwing her newly-delivered baby into a dumpster? A number of months? I think the term "pro-choice" is ridiculous. What about the baby's choice? The father's choice? If you "choose" to murder someone does that make it okay somehow? It was the woman's choice to have sex. Choices. Have. Consequences.

Abortion is an ugly thing that takes the consequences away from responsible sex...from responsible parenting, from responsible living! Unplanned pregnancy is never a good thing and I like their name, Planned Parenthood. But unplanned parenthood should have consequences (more than the emotional consequences that come from murder...you want me to feel sorry for you because you are experiencing emotional pain from your abortion? Go away before I drop kick you.) You created something you were not ready for. Two wrongs never make a right. Giving that baby up for adoption, or taking on the responsibility yourself and learning to be a good parent is the correct and moral choice.

The LDS church is pro-life, but there are exceptions when it comes to victims of rape. I can understand that situation but I do not agree with it. Rape is an ugly, horrible, disgusting thing and it is my very worst fear, but I stand by my words: two wrongs do not make a right. Adoption is the answer.

I do not support unfit parents having children and neglecting them. That's why adoption is the answer. Millions of women like me are desperate to have children and the only way that can be possible is through someone else. In 2009 alone 332,278 broken hearts could have been healed. 332, 278 babies could have been loved with a love so fierce they would never be able to question it. Instead they were cut into pieces and thrown away. Instead, 332, 278 men and women are waiting for someone else to make the right choice. And every second of waiting is like a hook to the heart.

let's talk about dresses.

2011-03-03T17:11:00.007-07:00

To borrow from Natalie, The Academy Awards are like my Superbowl. I could eat that red carpet right up. Last night I watched my recording and took notes on my best and worst dressed for this post. I am that lame. Oh well...

Worst Dressed:

Number One is Cate Blanchett in Givenchy. Mostly because I expect perfection from her and instead it made me say, "Whaaat the hell....?"

Like seriously, what the hell? The top reminds me of posterboard with like...jelly beans glued to it. Ugh.

Number Two is Marissa Tomei in a 1950 couture Charles James dress from Lily et Cie.

I love vintage. And Lily is VERY exclusive. But this is so ill-fitted. It gives her bulges in places she probably doesn't even have them! And the hair...oh the hair!! It's so so sooooo bad...so wrong. So messy. So not vintage. So ew.

Number Three is Scarlett Johanssen in Dolce & Gabbana.

Again, I expect perfection from her and instead it looks like a really, really, really old table cloth. And the hair.

Number Four is Florence Welch in Valentino. She looks like she belongs in a haunted house. Dead sister-wife anyone?

Number Five is Melissa Leo in this Elvis costume by Mark Bouwer. It looks like a vinyl tablecloth ontop of gold glitter. Sick.

Honorable Mentions:
Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein.

This landed her on many best-dressed lists, but not mine. Can anyone hear the Baywatch theme song playing? When your being nominated for an Oscar, glam it up for hell sakes! Fail.

Nicole Kidman wore this weird cross between a kimono and an altar cloth by Dior. Once again, I expect perfection from Nic.

Best Dressed:

Number One is Halle Berry in Marchesa. Stunning. Stu-nning.

Number Two is Sandra Bullock in Vera Wang. To quote Joan Rivers, "She might as well have worn a sandwich board that said 'Eff you Jesse James.'"

I just have to mention her dress last year because it tops my all-time best dressed Oscar list.

Number Three is Jennifer Hudson in this stunning tangerine dress by Versace.

She looks soooooo good! And so confident. She makes me excited for her. She's always been stunning to me though.

Number Four is Mila Kunis in Elie Saab. She looks like a goddess. The only reason she didn't land higher is because she kept adjusting all night.

Number Five is Helen Mirren in Vivian Westwood couture. Oh my goodness...If I looked this pretty at 65 I would stand in front of a mirror at all times.

Number Six is Hailee Stainfeld in an age-appropriate Marchesa dress. Absolute perfection from head to toe. She is so adorable. She helped design it too! It was much more sparkley on film.

Honorable mentions:

Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein:

And Camila Alves in Kaufmanfranco:

disneyland

2011-03-02T17:04:00.002-07:00

Disneyland= Love! We had so much fun. It was cold and rainy but whatevs, it's Disneyland. Also, we bought panchos and we stayed dry. Big Thunder Railroad in the rain is awesome!!!

The first day we did Disneyland and I was in heaven. First off I met the Fairy God Mother. I told her that Miley has always called me her FGM so she waved her wand and made me official.

The girls all got crowns, of course, even my mom. Disneyland Holly is so awesome. These pictures are just a few of them because we got a photopass. Professional photogs take your pics all around Disneyland then put them on a card. Then you order them online. We have 50+ really great family pics but I won't have them for a while. I'd totally recommend it.

Also recommended by my awesome inlaws and Disneyland gurus, The Youngs, is Ridemax. I will never ever ever go there without it. From the website:

RideMax is a computer software program designed to help you create custom wait-time-reducing plans for Walt Disney World and Disneyland. Why waste your valuable time in the park with your head buried in the park map, trying to decide where you will go next? RideMax allows you to specify the date of your visit and the attractions you wish to ride, then uses a sophisticated scheduling algorithm to help you map out your "game plan" in advance! We've collected attraction wait time statistics at the Disney parks at various crowd levels and at different seasons of the year. Depending on the number of attractions you choose for your plan, RideMax could actually compare millions of possible ride sequences before displaying your final custom itinerary!

It's awesome. Fave rides: the new tour through Sleeping Beauty's castle (duh!), the teacups (I forgot how good my dad is at spinning. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!), storybook boats (I want to shrink myself and play in the villages), Space Mountain, Pirates, Peter Pan (It's a fave from when I was little), and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Splash Mountain was closed and we bounced before the Madderhorn cause Jess had squishy shoes.

The next day we slept in and then shopped at Fashion Valley till it started raining, so we went and saw Unknown. So good. I peed a little. On a totally unrelated note, it was my first time seeing the San Diego Temple in person. Amazing! It's so beautiful! It's like a futuristic castle. SLC is still my fave though...I like the majesty of old.

Then we headed for California Adventure the next day. Spence was getting fastpasses and my mom and I were in a souvineer shop when I had a partial complex seizure. We ran my magnet but guess what we didn't bring to the park? Ativan. I was getting really nervous because I was having trouble even speaking. I spotted the ferris wheel and suggested we get on it so my dad and Spence could give me a blessing. Mom is afraid of heights and Jess and Preston were MIA, and they wouldn't give the three of us our own cart, so Dad suggested we find somewhere quiet and secluded. Right. In Disneyland. Then this corner appeared. Mom stood guard and the boys gave me a quick blessing and I was promised I would be fine. And I was. Just like that. No more problems whatsoever. A miracle. I'm so blessed to have the power of the priesthood in my life.

Sooo....after we were sure I was okay, we went on the best ride: Screamin' California. My poor mom about had an anxiety attack in line but she made it!! She's a trooper. Such a fun roller coaster, but I maintain that Wicked at Lagoon is even better. Then we pretended to be Barbies:

Then we went on Tower of Terror and I about had an anxiety attack. I hate that ride. It's not as bad as the Rocket at Lagoon (on which I had an ACTUAL anxiety attack) because you're enclosed. I can't believe it's Miley's favorite ride! I really have to psych myself up for it and I'm still terrified.

Exhibit A:

Apparently, in situations of extreme terror you can really tell I have Cerebral Palsy. I look like I'm having a damned stroke. I love how my dad is just watching my mom....so cute.

Then, we went to Bubba Gumps for dinner. We walked and I didn't feel like leaving the park, and I thought it was pricey for just okay food....I'd rather just eat at Disneyland and soak up more magic...but I'm basically an animated character, so it might just be me. My mom and dad kept saying how "in my element" I was and how if I was allowed to work at Disneyland as a princess I'd never have a seizure ever again. I agree. Too bad none of the princesses have speech impediments.

After dinner we came back and saw Captain EO at my brother's request. May the King rest in peace. Then we watched the fireworks show. I made this documentary for you to enjoy:

Magic Moments interrupted by Star Wars from Chelsi Johnston on Vimeo.

You're welcome.

Then we booked it to Adventure Land to watch Fantasmic. (Yeah, that's really the name.) It really was fantasmic. There's a full on war on a pirate ship, the princesses come out on boats and sing, they project images on the water and walls of fog, and a full-sized malificent totally breathes fire on the water! Then EVERYONE comes out on the river boat. It is really amazing. It was our first time seeing it and I'll never miss it again. I kept saying, "How are they doing this!?" Faith, trust, and pixie dust...that's how.

Disney Love

2011-02-16T15:58:00.002-07:00

Thanks to everyone for their good vibes and prayers. I think they've worked!

I've been meaning to post about this for a long time, and I thought that today would be perfect! Polyvore is a place where as you shop, you can create outfits. Which is awesome! I'm a girl who has "outfits." I have a few pieces that interchange, but mostly they're undershirts or pants and skirts. Definitely an outfit girl. In fact, I remember outfits I had in high school and college and I miss them. Is that weird? Oh well.

Anyway, they did this challenge were they asked people to create looks based on Disney movies. Disney + clothing = <3

Now before I show them to you, let me preface this by saying that these looks are too literal to be worn every day. I believe, as a fashionista, that it's important to take trends and let them inspire you. Don't take them and run with them...right off a style cliff. For example, a trend right now is layering. Another is lace. Another is military. DO NOT try to incorporate all three into one look. Furthermore, take the trend and use it in ONE piece. This is called your statement piece. It's like art; you want people to be able to focus on the most important thing. If there are a million statement pieces then ALL of your statements get lost. A person who will remain nameless and does not read this blog, recently wore the following outfit:
Layer 1. long-sleeved lace shirt
Layer 2: sleeveless lace tank
Layer 3: short-sleeved lace shrug
Layer 4: three lacey necklaces, earrings, and 3 bracelets
Layer 5: Skinny jeans with a TON of rhinestones on the bum
Layer 6: knee-high boots

It was sensory overload. And she looked like she was trying too hard. If you wear ANY of the above pieces, the rest should be simple. Very simple and not rhinestoned.

Then said person wore a military jacket over a striped shirt with cropped pants and ankle boots. She looked like a freaking pirate. Not good. Coco Channel advised to take off an accessory before you leave the house. As a girl who loves jewelry and any form of accessory I've really tried to implement that, especially now that I'm older.

Okay, now on to Disney love. They are super adorable. Maybe need a few adjustments for every day, but not for a trip to the Magic Kingdom? Ahem.

These are all of them, and these are my favorites:

I would totally wear this to church and lose the necklace.

I want that dress more than I have words for.

Sexy Cindy

This one could be worn daily. It doesn't really say Dumbo to me, but I like it.

This is my fave.

This one I would wear without the earrings so it didn't scream "Native American." It's never good to scream any ethnicity.

Lose the necklace, and headband and trade the shoes for black flats. Hello cuteness.

And with that, I bid you adieu. I'm off to Disneyland. Maybe in one of these outfits.

help?

2011-02-07T18:03:00.001-07:00

I'm going to Disneyland in ten days. But ever since my seizure, my brain is wigging out. I'm having a lot of partial complex seizures. I can't sleep. I'm losing my words. I'm worried I won't be able to go to Disneyland. I know this isn't important in the grand scheme of things...but I really want to go. I also know there are way more important things to pray for. People are sick, or lost, or sad, or broke. But I want my brain to let me go to Disneyland. So, could you guys say a little prayer if you feel so inclined? Or just cross your fingers? Thanks.

made in the 80s

2011-02-03T02:11:00.005-07:00

As I type this I am watching Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer. I saw it on Netflix and could not resist. I forgot how much I loved Rainbow Brite as a little Chelsi. And Twink? I loved Twink. I want to make Twink cake pops.

It got me thinking about other shows I watched as a little tyke. My favorites were Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, Lady Lovely Locks, and She-ra. Lady Lovely Locks was a show about a girl with beautiful hair. It seems a shallow concept but the characters were very well developed and the plot lines very engaging for a 5-year-old. I had Lady Lovely Locks everything. Sheets, a sleeping bag, even pixie tails for my hair.

She-ra is the sister of He-Man and is totally bad ass! In a world full of pink unicorns, glitter and rainbows, she empowered us as toddler women. And her outfit is super hot.

I had a She-ra barbie who was my favorite. It got me thinking about my toys. Toy shopping for my nieces is one of my favorite activities, but I have to say, they don't make 'em like they used to. My favorite toys from the 80s included:

Teddy Ruxspin. You put cassette tapes in his back and he read you stories. His mouth moved. We also had a doll named Corkie who did the same thing, but he creeped my mom out and she threw him away. Teddy had more tapes, too.

I remember this singing mermaid toy very well. She was definitely a fave and I spent many a happy hour with her in the tub. She changed color in hot and cold water and sang when you squeezed her tummy. Oh, and her fin had little holes in that that made a rainbow fountain.

Another fave was Quints. They were cheap and had a ton of accessories, so since I was spoiled, I pretty much had a ton of stuff for them. They served as babies for my barbies.

Speaking of Barbies, I loooooooved Barbies. I played Barbies till I was like driving. As I got older my plot lines became a lot like Days of Our Lives, since I was a loyal viewer as a toddler, and I got caught a few times being naughty with my barbies. I remember once my barbies went camping (I had an awesome camper) and one barbie fell while hiking and, of course, had amnesia and didn't remember that she had recently adopted Kelly, and then her little sister, Skipper, moved in on Ken. I was like 7.

But apparently, even my plotline wasn't as complicated as Mattel's. I pray that wasn't really their story. If it is, well, wtf?

Now, on to Polly Pockets. My nieces are obsessed with Polly Pockets...but they're not even Polly, they're Disney Princess, and definately not pocket-sized. They're super cute and I like playing with them...I just wish they were called something else. Why? Because they're not the Polly Pockets I adored. The Polly Pockets I adored were the size of a makeup compact, hence the name. She had a lot of different worlds. Basically you'd just move her around. Polly's in the kitchen, Polly's in the garden...but they entertained me for hours. I was big into imaginative play.

Old Polly Pocket Compacts

Old Polly

Now, Polly has grown to the size of Little People; she fits in the palm of my hand. She still looks like Polly though, not to be confused with Disney Princess Polly Pockets. And she has removable clothes. That's fun, but I'm still not a fan. The whole appeal of Polly was that she was compact. You could play with her anywhere...on car rides, at church, in school. Maybe that was the problem? I don't think it would be the choking hazard because she was so tiny you wouldn't choke and you'd poop her out without even noticing.

New Polly


Disney Princess Polly Pocket

The Disney ones are perfect for cakes, ps. But as far as I know, none of my nieces' have removable heads like the above one! They're my favorite thing to buy them right now, but there might be a new competitor.

By far, my favorite toys were my American Girl Dolls. If you're not familiar with them, they are "heirloom quality" (to which I can vouch for) dolls from different periods in history, or girls of today, who each have their own world of stories, clothes, furniture and accessories. I loved the books they came with and I really think they taught me to love books! And the stuff you can buy for them...oh it's so cool. They also taught me a lot about history. I learned more from them than in AP History. I got the baby first (I named her Stacie), to make sure I'd take care of them, then I got Samantha when I turned 8. Kirsten followed, and then LaManda, my doll I "made." She has straight black hair and green eyes.

Stacie

Samantha

Kirsten

All of my dolls are now retired, which makes me happy that they're still in great condition in my cedar chest waiting to be played with by my little girl. I still get the magazine and I want to buy everything in it for my nieces and my future little girl. Especially Kit from the 40's.

Kit

It doesn't help my almost-uncontrollable desire to buy that my neice, Payton asked for one this year. She's only turning 5 in April, so Santa opted to get her an Our Generation doll, essentially a very great knock off, to see how well she cares for it. I was extatic for two reasons. One, I can buy her stuff for her doll. I might have to be reigned in. And two, it will help me convince Spencer to let me buy our daughter one for her 8th birthday. He isn't very comfortable with the price tag, so we'll follow suit and buy her an OG doll first. And if my little one isn't into it, heaven forbid, Payt can inherit my dolls. As long as she lets me play with her, of course.

true love will find you in the end

2011-02-01T03:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Husband,
I know I told you already tonight, but I am so in love with you. I'd always hoped for it, but didn't know it was possible in a marriage. I'd never seen it in real life before. Now I live it. I have "Dear Chicago" in my head again. I think it's because when I look at you sleeping beside me, I think, "Wow...I really did find him." I fell out of love with Colby a long time ago, but sometimes I still can't believe that he was right. I really did find someone I love even more than I loved him. Colby was a drug...a pain killer...or heroine to distract me and turn my veins black. Yikes. But you...you are so much more. You aren't just my relief, you are my sanctuary. You're like yoga. When I'm with you, I vibrate at a very high frequency. That sounded dirty. ;) I think back to that time when you rocked me in my apartment while my brother was yelling at me; do you remember that? You held me like a baby and your love just drowned out the sound of the little brat. It's still like that. Whenever I can't deal, I only want you. I need you. Oh, I need you. There's so much to you, too. I need you when I wake you up at 3:30 in the morning to talk me off a ledge. I need you to referee when my parents are driving me crazy. I need your hugs when I've had a bad day. Your ear when I need to talk. You in general when I want to laugh or dish. My head on your chest when I haven't breathed all day long. You calm me, you balance me. You are the ying to my yang, the cheese to my macaroni. You're totally boss. You take care of me physically, emotionally. You wash my hair, you brush it, you braid it. You get me medicine. You help me make cakes. You cook dinner. You do laundry. You dust. And yes, you primarily do some of these things you do when I can't, but some of them you do often. Like brushing my hair. Or dusting. You always dust because it gives me allergies. How many husbands do that? None. You give me this crap about how I motivate you and inspire you and make sure you eat and create a nice home for you and that we read our scriptures, but I don't buy it. You'd be just fine without me. You wouldn't ever remember to eat, but that's all. I wish more than anything I could be to you what you are to me, but you told me the other day that isn't what you want or need. You need me, you said. Well, I'm yours.
Love,
Me
xoxo

:-( Oh no!

2011-01-28T17:28:00.003-07:00

Spence Here...
Bad news! Chelsi had a seizure on Tuesday night...

The night started out like a very regular night. I arrived home from work to see Dinner all ready to go and Chelsi in her office (the bedroom) slaving away for Ogden City. As I approached the bedroom I could see Belle's tail wagging back and forth as she had a fresh pair of socks in her mouth from the freshly folded laundry. Chelsi finished up the Dew Tour banner she was working on and we went upstairs to eat and watch a movie.

When the movie was over Chels told me that she wasn't feeling very well all of a sudden. She was feeling a bit nauseous and her head was hurting a little bit. So I told her that we'd go get her some Ativan and I'd help her shower and wash her hair. Then I would brush and braid her hair, and we'd go to bed. While I was taking Belle out to go potty, Chelsi took some medicine and hopped into the shower.

When Belle was finished, we came inside and I got in the shower with Chelsi to help her wash her hair...

I hadn't been in the shower for 2 minutes before she gave me that "OH SH*T" look...

Spencer: "Sing Honey! Sing"
Chelsi: "I am a Ch, Ch, ... I am a Child"... .... .....
Spencer: "Keep Singing!"
Spencer: "Listen to me honey. You're going to be okay, your eyes are dilating normally."

Just as soon as the words left my mouth I noticed that her pupils had gotten so big that I could no longer see the green in her eyes.

Spencer: "Chels? Chelsi?!"

Slowly her left began to raise and stiffen up. I gripped her even tighter against me but I could already feel her body begin to tighten up as her muscles contracted...(bleep)

I quickly lifted her up and leaped out of the shower. There was no way that I was going to make it to the bed as she began to seize in my arms... So I set her down in the hall and rolled her onto her side and held her.

Whenever we tell people that I don't let Chelsi shower by herself, we always get raised eyebrows or a wink wink and I'm sure that some of the ladies think... Uh huh... Pervert.... Well, unfortunately, there is a reason.

How is she doing? Sore, sad, frustrated and a little bit discouraged but she is such a fighter! I know that she was be back to her vibrant self in no time. But in the mean time it's time for me to put on my Cheerleader/Butler/Murse hat on. Don't worry I'll take care of her, I've already got her smiling...

I know that I always say this, but She never ceases to amaze me. The strength of her spirit is unmatched. And our Heavenly Father is not shy about confirming that fact to me every time I have the privileged of laying my hands on her sweet little head.

I am the luckiest man... but you all know that.

So everyone put on your cheerleader hats and show our girl some love!

make me up

2011-01-25T02:25:00.000-07:00

One of my new favorite shows is Jersylicious on Style. It's about a hair salon in Jersey. It's all the drama and quirkiness of Jersey Shore, without the hot tub and alcohol. (And don't get me wrong, I watch The Jersey Shore too. Judge me not.) Anyway, I've actually learned a few tips from the show. I finally learned how to tease my hair. I can now accomplish some volume at my crown, though I still don't subscribe to the Utah-hair-poof, or the more local Clearfield square hair. The key is to take their tips and take it down about ten notches. I've also started doing my eye makeup pre-foundation. It makes it so you don't have to clean up eyeshadow under your eyes after application. Makes sense, right?

And, I've started using primer. I don't know how I ever lived without it! I ordered a b-day gift for my mom from Sephora and as a holiday special, I got not three, but 12 samples. I kept them, because my mom is the type who saves them and never uses them. She has a whole cabinet in her bathroom full of samples. Anyway, a lot of my samples were primers. My favorite is this color correcting primer by Smashbox (in green). It helps with the redness from zits and it makes my face feel like satin. My foundation goes on like I'm putting it on silicone, and it stays on so well. My face is much less oily. I also think it's been helping my complexion. And, it smells like frosting. Yeah, frosting. I'm going to be really upset when I run out of my sample. The problem is, it's pricey. A one ounce bottle is $38 from Sephora. I'm considering buying this travel size for $17. I think it will last a long time, as my sample has and it's like 0.4 ounces.

I love makeup. I frequently have dreams where I have an unlimited supply of it. But I'm a girl whose makeup bag is filled with L'Oreal and Cover Girl. Not Ulta and NARS. The only thing I spend more money on is my concealer. I use Mary Kay because all other concealers don't even come close to concealing what I need concealed. I also used to use Mary Kay foundation, but I found a L'Oreal product I like even more. (L'Oreal Infallible Advanced Never Fail 16-hour foundation). So does a primer fall into the "worth it" category?

Speaking of "worth it," my mom bought me the generic equivalent to Lattise. I read the insert and one of the side effects was indeed that it may turn my eyes brown. I have nothing against brown eyes, it's just that I have green ones. They already went from blue to green...I don't think I could handle another color change. Spencer asked me if I'd rather have green eyes or long eyelashes. I picked green eyes, but then I researched it online and there haven't been many reports of eye-color change. Spencer reminded me that there was like a one-in-a-bajillion chance that a seizure medication would give me Lupus, and I was the one-in-a-bajillion. But, I ignored him and used it for a few nights. Each morning when I woke up my eyes were all pussy and ached! I decided "not worth it." This whole eyelash thing kinda freaks me out. I'm worried it will be a Phen-phen situation and years from now millions of women will have freakish eye defects or brain tumors or something. I hope not, because everyone I know is doing it. So, alas, my eyelashes will remain their current length while my mother-in-law's eyelashes are like 10 feet long. She looks like Snuffleupagus. Life is so unfair.

temptation

2011-01-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

I've been deleting my e-mails from Uncommon Goods without opening them for months now. The temptation was just too great. But today, I gave in.

And I found lots of stuff I wanted.

I may have peed a little when I saw this Rainbow Hors D'oeuvres set. Isn't it fabulous? Do you think the holes would be big enough for cake pops?! Oh dear, I peed a lot.

We've been eyeing this soup and sandwich set for years now.

And my Ray B. Westers will adore these poetry dessert plates. Or Poe-try...haha...ahem. Anyway:

These Lumen oil candles project shadows on your walls. As the candle flickers it rustles the leaves of the tree. Talk about mood lighting!

And finally this very impractical yet hopelessly romantic bubble wand necklace and rose bubble solution. Maybe with a written poem about bubbles? Or if bubbles had some significance to you? I don't know. I love it for no reason at all.

pillow talk 4.0

2011-01-06T13:58:00.003-07:00

It hasn't happened for a long time...like over a year. So I was pretty exited last night after this:
Chelsi: I love you.
Spencer: I love YOU. And I'm not just saying that because you have half.
Chelsi: Because what?
Spencer: I'm not just saying that because you have half a man.

And with that he kissed me and went back to sleep.

Oh, honey, I have you...and you are so much more than half a man. :)

december: a month in review

2011-01-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

To say that December was busy is an understatement. So, I will try to keep this post heavy on the pictures and light on the words. (Kari.)

Most of the month was spent overhauling and redesigning this website. I had a 9 hour meeting the day it was due and my dad went with me. I'm totally not exaggerating. Nine hours.

To start the month off right, I went to a birthday party dressed as a peacock-hunting Native American. I was an Indian outlaw and Spencer was a really hot sheriff. We only got one pic so take my word for it.

The next day I made a Minnie Mouse birthday cake for niece Baby Kate.

And Minnie cake pops. Kate had 5. I'm so excited she is two. It's my favorite age. They start talking and their personalities start manifesting themselves so much more...I love it.

The day after that, my little brother got engaged! Yes, friends, you read that right. Preston Bradley Lasater is betrothed. Hallelujah! And I helped. :) One night I slept over at my mom's because I had a hair appointment the next day. He was super duper stressed because he wanted to propose and didn't know how. He decided to sing her the song "I Wanna Grow Old with You" from The Wedding Singer. I was responsible for changing the words from, "Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink" to "Change all the diapers when the babies stink." You're welcome. He got her ring from the same place Spence got mine. He decided to do it when we went to see the lights at temple square for my mom's birthday. We were all in on it and my parents were less-than-stealth. I won't get into detail but I can't believe she didn't know. Geeze Luise. Monkey (Preston) took her on a carriage ride and then whipped out his guitar and sang, then got down on one knee. Spence and I were "hiding" filming the whole thing. I cried so hard...It was so weird watching my baby brother propose. Btw, she totally saw us and said, "What the hell is Spence doing over there?" There was a shining red light on the camera. Whoops.

us making out

them making out (even before the ring)

kids

the happy couple

family

the ice

Afterward we were walking through the conference center and some girl jumped out and grabbed me and I was so terrified that I was thisclose to fainting. Luckily, it was my BFF Shani! Once I recovered there were hugs and squealing. She was singing in SLC that night and I couldn't go due to my filming duties, so we weren't planning on seeing each other. It was epic.

There was more working and the nine hour meeting. Then, I went to a lot of Christmas parties.

And this dress is my favorite dress I've ever owned; besides my wedding dress...obvi.

And then it was Christmas. I was totally spoiled. My parents are taking all of us to Disneyland Feb 17-21. If any of you know me...well...you know that I want to live in Disneyland. I am sooooo excited. We haven't been on a Lasater family vacay since 2006. It's going to be so much fun. Pres and Jess (that's what we're calling them) might get married there if they can't wait till April 30. :)

My mother-in-law got me a Vera Wang clutch, some fun jewelry and a Shark steam mop!!! I've wanted one for a really, really long time! I'm so excited to clean with it. Have you seen the infomercial with the black light?! Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!! I want to steam my whole house right now.

Belle made a haul. She got so many toys it was ridiculous. Here is a documentary.

Christmas Loot from Chelsi Johnston on Vimeo.

And my father-in-law got me this:

Isn't she lovely? I cried hysterically. Hy.ster.i.cal.ly. Granted I was tired and already emotional, but still, it has a lot of meaning for me. I know, it's a mixer, but I feel like it's a symbol of where we are finally at. We're grown up, we're ready to make a home for ourselves, to make cookies for my kids, to expand my cake business, to have a real life. I wanted to shout, "I'm a real girl!!" Because that's how I felt. The Kitchenaid was part of my seemingly unattainable dream...that I thought was out of reach. But now, I feel like it's within my grasp. Perfect present. Best. In-laws. EVER!

THEN on the 27th I got to talk to my BFF, Julie, for an hour and a half!! We haven't seen each other for years, which is absolutely ridiculous. She lives far away, so we set up a phone date in honor of Christmas and her birthday. It was heavenly. We dished, we chatted, we advised, we laughed, we reminisced, we squealed...we loved. Two BFF reunions in one month? Yes, please. It would've been five....but schedules and lazic eye surgeries interfered. I take what I can get! That's the thing I love about my friends...no matter how far apart we are or how long it's been, we always pick up right where we left off.

Then Danielle threw her husby an awesome robot party, and gave me an even awesomer cake recipe. And then we went to Studio 600 for a big NYE party with our friends Dane and Heidi and it was fabulous.

In summary: Great month.

reindeer games

2010-12-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

Spencer and I always try to reserve a night for just the two of us to exchange gifts. Christmas Eve and Christmas day have become so hectic for us that we come home and collapse and/or cry from exhaustion. Not the best time for romance. So, we celebrate on the 23rd. We both try and do something/plan something to make it special. This year, I found this idea from the Dating Divas. I changed up the printables a bit though. You can use mine, here:

I, too, found felt reindeer bags. But I found mine at Walmart for $3.00. I printed the invite the night before and put it where he'd see it when he left for work. He was excited all day. While he was at work I assembled the bags and set up for a picnic under the tree. I also worked that day, so while I was getting ready, Spencer hung more Christmas lights upstairs for ambiance.

After that we ate our picnic (Zuppa and Martinelli's) under the tree and listened to Christmas music and had a real, non-rushed, non-task list conversation. Then we exchanged gifts.

I gave him a set of all the harmonicas he will ever need. He was super excited.

Then he gave me mine. All my presents were Russian doll style...box after box after box after box. He's so sneaky!! Remember this post? Well look what I got.

It took my breath away. I literally gasped. It's more beautiful than any picture could depict, and everytime I look at it I think, "... And I will make thee windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.” And it reminds me of my grandma...she always wore cameos. And Spencer's grandpa. He told us a story about his agate ring just before he died in September.

Then he gave me this:

It's a ring holder with two lovebirds. You know how I'm so into birds right now. The card made me bawl before I even opened the gift. It says, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." I love him.

So I was really glad I had the reindeer after the gift I got him paled in comparison to my gifts!! Geeze! So after all the weeping I let him open his reindeer gifts.

I basically followed the originator's suit, except I made a romantic Christmas music playlist on our ipod and so I just put a printed out picture of the iPod in the bag, since we listened to it while we ate dinner. Needless to say, Vixen was his favorite, but he loved the idea and he said the best part was being excited all day long. It was cute, cheap, easy, and fun! I highly recommend it for next year for you and yours.

in the meantime

2010-12-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

I will blog about my month as soon as I gather pictures. (Code: Try to teach my parents how to e-mail me pictures from their camera.)

In the meantime. Read the cutest love story EVER. E-VER.

It's from a blog I follow called Gwen in Love: An Old-fashioned Girl's Guide to Love, Marriage, and Rockin' Hot Sex. It's fabulous.

18 days

2010-12-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

Is that the longest I've gone without blogging? Maybe. Hopefully nobody was worried. I am feeling well and have not had a grand mal since Thanksgiving. The reason for the lack of blogging had more to do with this:

life

I'll be back in January. Xoxo.

christmas for lovers

2010-12-02T16:10:00.000-07:00

Christmas used to be hard for me. I used to listen to Mariah Carey's I Miss You Most at Christmas Time and wonder where Colby was, if he had food to eat or was freezing cold...where he would be on Christmas. Then there were those couple of years where Ian would call me and not tell me he still loved me. ;) Then 2005 came and everything changed.

I love Christmas. I love our shopping dates. I love spoiling each other. I love spoiling our nieces. I love baking. I love our discussions of the Savior. I love decorating our house while listening to Christmas music. I beg to do it before Thanksgiving. This year, while my parents took me home to their house to recoup, Spencer stayed behind and took down our Fall decor, cleaned the house, and put up our tree to cheer me up when I got home. He also made all of my dishes that I volunteered to bring to Thanksgiving. Naturally, my family said "Don't worry about it," but he knows me. He knew that I would anyway. And he knew how bad I wanted to make those pumpkin bites. So, he made everything. I simply formed the crusts. They turned out so well...I even got a 1 am text from my brother-in-law that said he was still up eating the last of them.

Anyway, the day after Thanksgiving, we turned on our Christmas music and decorated all day long. It turned out pretty fantastic. During decorating, What are you Doing New Year's Eve? by Ella Fitsgerald came on. It's on our Christmas for Lovers album. Clay Aiken does a great rendition too. We both stopped what we were working on and had an impromptu slow dance in the kitchen. It's our song. It would've been our first dance song...but that would be weird in June. We reminisced about that fateful New Year's Eve Night in 2005 when everything changed. That was my first and only New Year's Eve kiss and it was perfect. The rain, the fireworks, the ignition of something eternal. The beginning.

And now, I do still wonder if Colby is safe and warm, but no tears are shed. I don't cry when I hear Mariah. I actually smile a little. And now, Christmas can't come fast enough and is over too soon. I wish it lasted three months long. The holiday celebrating the birth of our Savior is so magical, and for me, it is even more magical because I can celebrate what Christ represents: Love.

I love the magic that the holidays offer, but then again, every day is magical with my sweetheart.

So, When the bells all ring and the horns all blow
And the couples we know are fondly kissing.
Will I be with you or will I be among the missing?

Maybe it's much too early in the game
Ooh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year's eve

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of a thousand invitations
You received

Ooh, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance:
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?

maybe next year...

2010-11-30T02:52:00.004-07:00

Sooo...I know that I've been promising a post or two about adoption. It is adoption month and it's almost over. But. Every time I go to write something, and trust me, I've got entire posts written in my head, I just can't connect my fingers to the keyboard. Maybe right now the emotions are too close to the surface...maybe the feelings are a little too raw. Maybe next year.

So, for now, I will say this: Adoption is love. I am indefinably grateful to that amazing 15-year-old girl who loved me enough to give me more than she could. I know that I would not be living the life I am now had she not made that selfless choice. I know that I was meant to come to this earth to my amazing parents, whom I don't deserve, through her. I am eternally grateful that I have the opportunity to be part of my amazing family and be sealed to them forever. And I cannot wait to be on the other side of the equation.

math

2010-11-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

Sigh. We're not moving backwards...are we? Husband says no. Why? Because these last two seizures have had obvious causes. We've learned lessons.

Lesson One- September 23rd:
One Ativan > Half an Ativan

Lesson Two- November 25th:
Virus + Period + Stress - Sleep = Seizure

So, if virus + Ativan = no seizure
and period + Ativan= no seizure
and life - sleep + Ativan = no seizure

Then I just have to dope up if I have one or more seizure factors. Very logical, really.
Sure, Ativan + me = loss of a day
But seizure + me = loss of a week
and week > day

Math never was my strong suit.

Happy Thanksgiving :-(

2010-11-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

Spence here,
So Chels, had seizure on Thanksgiving Eve...

She's been fighting a bit of a cough and cold so it must have got the best of her and allowed a seizure to creep in. Don't worry she is doing ok... She has a bit of a headache, sore muscles and extreme fatigue but with some good R&R she should be back on her feet in a few days. And with a little help from her sous-chef, she was able to make a few of her favorite Thanksgiving treats. (pics to be posted shortly)

Even though our Thanksgiving isn't going as planned I wanted to share with you how grateful Chels and I are for all of the support that we get from our friends and family. We couldn't do it without all of your prayers and encouragement.

I also wanted Chels to know how thankful I am for her and the role that she plays in my life. She is my home. She is what I live and breathe for. She is such an wonderful example a strength and faith. I love you so much Angel.

Happy Thanksgiving.

women with epilepsy

2010-11-16T00:23:00.016-07:00

I loved this article in Epilepsy Advocate. Read it. It's short and informative and only available in pdf form or I would post it. Epilepsy Advocate is a free magazine I get every month. It is what it says. It validates me. It makes me say, "Oh my gosh! That's common! Wow!" Apparently, there is even a name for increased seizure activity around your period: catamenial epilepsy. I don't know why this makes me feel better, but it does. What doesn't make me feel better: I will likely start menopause earlier. Fabulous. Juuust fabulous.

They're also doing these great webcasts on empowering women with epilepsy. I'm all about that...epilepsy can make you feel very powerless. They're interviewing successful women living with epilepsy as well as doctors. They talk about family a lot, which I appreciate because often, doctors don't really delve into that aspect of it. It's been great to hear tips about balancing being a wife, being a mother, and being a career woman while trying to manage your epilepsy. Very encouraging!