dear nate and jade

When I was 14 I was put on seizure medication.  The doctor, after explaining a million things asked me if I had any questions.  I only had one.  "Can I have kids?" He laughed and said, "You're 14, why don't we wait and deal with that later?"  But I couldn't.  I've never wanted anything more than to be a mom. For a really long time, I wanted to be a fashion designer.  I was good at it! I had my application all ready to send to FIDM, the same place Lauren Conrad went, when I really started thinking about what my life might be like.  I knew that I couldn't work in fashion and be the kind of mom I wanted to be, so I withdrew my application.  Instead, I decided to major in Graphic Design and Writing so that I could work at home.  If I could choose between being Vera Wang or a mother, I'd retire my spiky black heels at the drop of a well-designed hat.
My name is Chelsi.  I'm 30 years old.  I am adopted.  I am a graphic designer, cake decorator, and party planner.  I love to paint, write and read.  I also love to dance-- my birth mother was a dancer so my mom put me in ballet when I was three.  I love swing dancing, belly dancing, and clubbing too.
My name is Spencer.  I'm also 30. I'm a supervisor at the Driver's License Division. I LOVE baseball, especially the Red Sox! I also like Aggie football and other sports. I'm very passionate about politics; that's why I chose Political Science for my degree. I'm a talk radio nerd. Sports and Rush Limbaugh are my faves. I love music and play the guitar and harmonica. By FAR my greatest accomplishment in life is my choice in a bride. She truly is “my breath in this strangled world.” From the moment I saw her, I was immediately captivated by everything that she is. I fell in love with her because she is the vision of everything I ever wanted.
I fell in love with Spencer “the way you fall asleep, slowly at first and then all at once.” We were best friends first, then all of the sudden I realized he was everything I'd been searching for, right in front of me. He was my best friend's boyfriend. She married her missionary, despite me trying to convince her to marry Spencer.  After she got married, around Halloween, Spence and I started hanging out almost every weekend.  Our first "official" date, and first kiss, was on New Year's Eve.  We called the temple to schedule our wedding on Valentine's Day and were married four months later in June.  It's been eight years now, but it feels like three.
It's amazing that it took us a couple of months to realize we were perfect for each other.  Our personalities balance each other out.  I'm very organized and driven, where he's very laid back and calm.  He's logical and I'm emotional.  He calls me the kite and him the string. He keeps me from floating away and I help him reach the clouds.
We have so much fun together.  It's amazing being married to your best friend.  We love to go to concerts!  We love Death Cab, although we once fell asleep at their concert.  Our favorite shows have been Dashboard Confessional, and many, many Mason Jennings shows.  We love amusement parks too, and when a carnival pops up, we're always game.  We are USU grads and any chance to go up to Logan, we take.  We love Halloween!  We have so much fun dressing up each year and throwing a huge party.  Of course, we love any excuse to throw a good party.
I don't know of two people who love each other more than we do.  We've been through a lot, but instead of letting it tear us apart, it has cemented us together like industrial strength glue.  I've always known that I might not be able to have kids, but in 2008 we found out that "might not" was now a "definitely not."  It's been six years since then, and finally, Heavenly Father answered our prayers and told us that the time is now to put in our papers.
We have a special place in our hearts for adoption.  I was adopted when I was three days old.  I have had such a happy life with my family, including my little brother who is also adopted.  I know that we were meant to be together and that Heavenly Father accomplished that through two sweet young women who faced a difficult choice.  Spencer also has two step-siblings who are adopted, and my cousin recently adopted two little ones.  We know that adoption is an act of love and one of God.
We are so excited to add to our family.  We have a small dog, Belle, who can't wait to be a big sister. She's the sweetest dog I know, and everyone loves her just as much as she loves them, which is a LOT. She loves children and is so good with them.  Our nieces and nephews love to play with her and she rewards them with endless kisses.  She loves to cuddle, but when she wants to play, I've never seen a faster runner or higher jumper.
We're so excited to build forts and snowmen, bake cookies, play dress up and super heroes.  We can't wait for dance recitals, swim lessons, playdates and sports games. I'm so ready to be a stay-at-home mom who can play with my babies and help them grow, to run through the sprinklers with them and play barbies and legos, to make play dough and spend the day coloring.  Spencer can't wait to come home and rough house and attack with kisses and spend the night reading stories.  We can't wait for everything.
We're excited to embark on this journey with you, and want you to know of our love for you.  We love you SO much, and we don't even know you.  You will not ever be forgotten or abandoned, for you will have taken over our hearts and healed them forever.  We want to do everything we can to make you happy and ease your burden. We're excited to plan with you and have whatever relationship you are comfortable with.  We're so grateful for the sacrifice that you may choose to make.  We can't begin to understand it, but I have a birth mom and if I could tell her anything, it would be, "Thank You."  We want to thank you too.  Please heal our hearts and let us heal yours too.
We love you.
 Spencer, Chelsi, and Belle

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Brina C said...

I love this letter. I come back and read it every time I visit your blog. <3 you have such a way with words.

Jessica Lasater said...

Read this everyday. It is YOU. You and Spencer together. A united rock for avaya to cling to as she is on the journey of life. You both will have ups and downs but together you can hold your family together and be that anchor for your sweet girl. I love you. We love you. A love like yours and Spencer's can weather any storm if you trust it. Trust eachother. Love. Love eachother.